MATTEO (book 2)

64. XENA

I hate getting attached.

Not just to Matteo.

I've just been shoved into a house with little to no explanation, weird people around me all day. I have no routine. I can't do the things that make me happy or relax or anything.

I can't do anything.

And then, to make everything worse, Matteo just forgets that I exist.

He didn't call for an entire week and then when he decided to show up, he left me completely alone after I begged him to stay.

And it's been two weeks since then, and I still haven't heard a word.

Ever since Benjamin, my whole life has just gone to shit. The only time I felt better was when I was laying in Matteo's arms but he doesn't want that anymore.

Mom walks in. "Xena, hunny, you really need to eat." She puts a tray of food down on my lap.

I know I do. I'm so weak.

I sit up, having to use her to help me.

"Am I being dramatic?" I ask.

"No." She rubs my shoulder. "We all take heartbreak differently and you've had so much of it recently hunny. It's okay to break."

I lift the spoon up, my hands shaking as I eat the soup.

My stomach rumbled as soon as I started eating, my body letting me know how starved it was.

"After, how about you take a shower, come downstairs and I'll braid your hair."

"Neves will have to help me."

"She'd be more than happy too. I'll be back up in a second." She kisses the top of my head, walking away but leaving the door open.

Usually, I wouldn't let myself sit in self pity. But I can't be bothered to fight anymore.

I eat the whole bowl of soup and some bread.

Neves helps me to the bathtub and she fills it. "Hey, I heard some of the men talking. Matteo has a plan, a good one, he's luring out Oleg to a discreet location, then Romeo will drug him and send him on a plane back to Russia."

"They'll retaliate."

"They won't." She helps me undress. "They'd rather him alive then dead. The most they'll do is send some men this way but Matteo will just kill them." She helps me into the bathtub.

The warm water soaking my skin was lovely.

Relaxing.

I lean back, closing my eyes.

"Then he'll come back to you, Xena."

I shake my head. "I don't want him too."

Her silence makes my eyes open.

I elaborate. "I've been hurt by the man, intentionally and unintentionally, more than any one else in my life. You always told me to aim big, Neves, and I can't do that with a man that can't handle seeing me and working." I shrug. "And I need to move on. It's clear he wants me as nothing more than a quick fuck every now and then but I want something real with him."

She sits on the lip of the tub, squeezing some shower gel onto a loofah. "I think there's a lot that you both need to talk about, but he loves you, Xena."

I look into her eyes. "I asked him to stay for one night. I begged him, and he left me, he didn't say a word." I feel a lump in my throat.

She lifts my arm up, beginning to scrub my body gently. "Seeing you might be a distraction for him. I know..." She stops herself. "All I'm saying is that I know he loves you. I can see it when he's talking about you, or even looking at you. He might need terms to come to it himself-"