On thin ice

Start again

Around six months ago my girlfriend, Ada, and I both participated in the grand prix series and placed in the podium! Her second, I third. Although we competed alone, between our training we would pair skate. Ada had always wanted to try and push for same sex couples to compete together, however I was to cowardly to attempt something so daring. Ada was fairly unhappy with my decision, and although we tried staying together through it we just weren't happy, so I broke up with her. It was simply too much for me, constantly feeling pressured to do such a bold thing, however now I am having my regrets.
I wasn't sure how to talk to her again and so I never did, instead here I am at university. Im currently studying to become a coach, and anatomy is harder than I ever could have imagined. I almost feel like an imposter walking down these halls, nevertheless I want to get to my dorm and just relax for the day. I see a poster for a computer club, I bet greyson is trying to start one up. They have been talking about that for a while now. I decided to stop by their room. I knock on their old, broken down door and a tall figure with silver blue hair swings the door open and greets me.
"Hello D, is there something you need?"
"No, just stopping by to say hi."
"Would you like to come in? I could prepare some tea for us, I have your favourite."
"You know what, sure."
I feel kind of alone today, I don't have many friends here, so hanging out with Gray might make me feel a little better. I come into their dorm, it's cozy here. Green and gray fills the room and everything is in its place.
They walk into their mini kitchen and I hear the kettle begin to whistle, then grey comes out to see me.
"What have you been up to lately?" Greyson asks me, to which I have no answer. I haven't skated in months, and honestly that was the only interesting thing about me.
"Oh not much, you?"
"Well, I've been trying to form a computer club, but I haven't got any takers yet."
"Im sure in time someone will come."
"I hope so, I would really like that, the water is probably ready, i'll go make our tea."
"Alright, thank you."
They go away for a few minutes to prepare the hibiscus tea, and are back out with two cups shortly. They know the sunshine mug is my favourite, so Gray hands me that one.
"Well, if you haven't been doing much is there anything you plan on doing?"
"Well, I might try skating again but I don't know. It feels like it's been too long to start again."
"I don't think so, I believe it's never too late to start something. Especially if it's just starting something again."
"Yeah maybe."
We sit for a bit in silence and drink our tea. That's something I like about gray, silence is so comfortable with them. We could sit for hours just beside each other doing our own thing. It's really nice.
After we both finish our tea we say our goodbyes, it's nice that their room is close to mine, we see each other often.
I walk into my room and take a look in my mirror. My puffy yellow sports jacket hangs off of my shoulders, the mustard colour pairs perfectly with my dark brown skin. I look around my room a bit as it still feel's foreign, however the figure skating posters make me feel a little more at home. I go to make some tea and relax on my phone beneath my pastel pink comforter. The warmth from it comforts me, I feel this calm spread through my body. While scrolling my instagram feed my heart skips a beat, it's Ada, and she's doing pair skating with her brother Ivan. She looks so beautiful doing a quad lutz, neither of us could land that in practice, let alone competition. Shes a million light years ahead of me, and the longer I put off competing the farther behind I fall her. I wish I could start again but once you stop you just loose that momentum. I feel awful, but it's getting late, so I decide to turn off the lights and let the weight of living crush me to sleep.
The next morning I wake up early, too early. I look over to my alarm clock, the red numbers glare at me and I glare back in disbelief. It's 5Am and i'm already ready to punch something. I turn over and shut my eyes, I keep them closed for a while but trying to sleep is futile. After a while I accept my fate and decide to wake up. I carry myself out of bed and summon enough energy to put the kettle on and begin planning my day. Skating crosses my mind, but I'm not completely sure about it. I decide if a rink is close and cheap ill go. I look it up and just to my luck theres a free skate happening about a twenty minute walk from here. I guess that means it's going on my list. The rinks free skate is at 12, and I have no idea what I will do until then. I hope I don't fall on a jump, that would be embarrassing. It's been a while since i've used a public skate so I am not used to worrying about that, now it will probably be on my mind until then.
The hours pass by and eventually I find myself facing the rink, its large walls stare me down, I feel the people passing by judging me as i stand stagnant in fear. This was a horrible idea, but I can't back out now that i'm here, everyone watching will think I look weird. The ground sways beneath my feet and my eyeballs pound. I am so scared to go in and face what I left behind. However, as soon as im on the ice im home. The cold air welcomes me and makes me feel alive. My skates glide across the ice like a sharp knife cutting through paper. I hear the melodic scrape with each push, the rhythm of the music playing enters my soul and I skate the way it makes me feel. I am lost in a trance, my feet take me where I belong. Being here reminds me of my first ever time skating, it was  a public skate and I fell so much I bruised my bum. I was so little then I didn't care if people stared, I was free back then. Not so much anymore. I remember the freedom I felt when Ada and I would skate alone, when she first held my hand as we looped around the rink. How free I felt from societies expectations of me when we first kissed.
I am taken back to that moment, we were fourteen years old and had just began dating when Ada took me on a late night date outdoors. We were all alone on an ice rink, the night sky glowing above us, when she took my hands in hers and said to me,
"I want to be free with you, I want the whole world to know our names. I want to forever hold you in my arms and love you regardless of what people think, I will do everything in my power to keep you by my side. Delilah, may I kiss you?"
Her words were like poetry. She said my name like it belonged in a song, and I didn't even answer before pressing my lips into hers.
When we kiss for the first time we thought it would last forever, but I guess it never does.
I skate a little slower for the last bit of my time there, but am still sad when it is time to go. I drudge off the ice and am about to leave the rink and brace the cold, but just before I can I see a familiar face. Could it be?