Pray, my dear, pray a lot -
They adviced in a similar tone.
Adults from varied backgrounds
with different goals and perspectives,
Yet similar in their belief
on why we must beseech
before He, in all honesty and vulnerability.
And although, I do so too,
remind everyone about the power,
the beauty of duaas, over and over,
some days, I feel stuck -
not that I don't want to pray,
not that I don't anticipate His response
full of mercy, and always timely.
Just that -
some days, some nights,
some lonely nights where the words don't leave my mouth
in the right fashion or order or tone or... at all,
I just lay numb -
wanting to cry and seek all that my heart yearns for,
But failing
from not knowing
what it wants at all.
Falining to have untangled the wires strangling my heart
Failing to unwrap the veil and peek within
to witness what it is, what it wants and why.
Failing.
And so I pray,
in all the tumultuous confusion and nameless misery,
in a wordless whisper,
"Ya Rabbee"
And sigh
For a long time
before resuming with regained faith,
"guide me to that which You know to be Khayr,
from your unmatched Hikmah,
and unparalleled affection
and complete knowledge of the seen and the unseen together.
آمین"
I conclude.
Yet another Friday.
A blessed day.
And honest duaa.
And anticipated response.
A heart at ease.
Alhamdulillah.
