"I'm so happy Online learning has worked out for you!" The burly woman with a sweet and kind smile spoke through her new laptop, splurging on one to do online school assignments.
Penelope faked a smile, nodding on the screen.
"Now, let's talk about college! Do you have any thoughts about your future?" the counselor, Mrs. Macy asked, kindly.
Honestly, the future seemed bleak in her mind. It was blurry and bleak. She couldn't see herself being someone's mother, a wife, a person to love at the end of the day. She couldn't see herself being part of someone's family.
The loneliest girl in the universe saw only a dark abyss, a black hole with an end no one but herself could find comfort in.
"Uhm, yeah, kind of." Penelope lied again.
The counselor nodded, a smile still plastered on her face.
"Well let me know if you need help with college applications! Deadlines are coming soon so we want you to be prepared. I know your future is bright!" Mrs. Macy complimented.
Bullshit.
"Thank you." Penelope said plainly.
Bull shit again.
"Reach out to me with any concerns you have! I'm right here! You're not alone in this process" Mrs. Macy chirped. Penelope gave her a painful smile, before bidding her goodbye and closing her laptop.
That was a lie, Mrs. Macy. She was alone.
Living on her own had been a good experience. Aside from the existential dread that she constantly felt, she was glad to have her own space.
It was thanksgiving break, forcing her to spend time outside of calculus and history to think about the things she's grateful for. Family? She doesn't have that. A boyfriend? He probably hates her. A will to live?
That was disappearing by the day. And it was a scary thing to even ponder upon.
She had decided to order groceries, still living somewhat close to Ash and his family, and she didn't feel like running into them so she could run away.
They continued to reach out to her. Fez and Lexi at least.
She knew Ash had given up after a month of calls, texts, and voicemails. There was a self torture that Penelope had taken by deciding not to change her phone number. There was a sense of control that she felt when all of a sudden his calls stopped. It was like a train wreck; horrific and painful but she couldn't look away.
Fez and Lexi still texted her once a week. She never responded. The hopeful side of her that she constantly shut down felt like maybe they still cared.
The other part is probably doing it for Ash only. She didn't matter in this. She deserved that much.
The kitchen in her apartment was small, and she barely used it, but she decided maybe a thanksgiving dinner for one may lift her spirits.
Sometimes she couldn't get out of bed. Other days, she couldn't stop working. She feared that If she put her laptop down, her mind would drift to the black hole she was starting to get closer to.
She took out the ingredients for dinner, watching a show on her phone. Penelope was going to cook a recipe Lexi taught her to cook. It felt almost nostalgic watching herself prepare everything Lexi taught her to do.
Her eyes welled with tears, her vision getting blurry, washing the potatoes, and the carrots.
When will this pain ever end?
YOU ARE READING
The Loneliest Girl in the Universe
FanfictionA spin off series of "Fearless Lexi," Based on Ash and Penelope.
