Brave the Waters

17 - Epilogue

July 4, 1945: Enid, Oklahoma

~Y/N Pierson~

I shifted uncomfortably in my dress uniform, standing in front of the old oak house that I had grown up in. My hands were sweating and my legs felt like they would collapse out from under me at any second. It had been a few years since I'd been here. Now that I was... I wasn't sure if I could do it. Could I ring that doorbell? Could I see the family that I hadn't set eyes on for so long? Pa would be there. He'd know; they wouldn't. 

The last time they saw me, I was a smaller shy but pretty young woman. Now, when I look in the mirror, I look empty. It's hard for me to focus on conversations, and people say that when I drift off, I look like I saw a ghost. I shake if I sit down for too long. My nights are filled with screaming nightmares that wake me up with sobbing. I had no sympathy to give. Popping sounds make me nervous and flighty. 

Zuss came up to me and grabbed my hand, rubbing it softly. "I'm right here Y/N. It's okay. It'll be okay."

"I don't know that I can do it," I whispered. "I don't want to be here."

"I understand, love. You'll feel better after, even if it doesn't go well." He tried to reassure me, and though it didn't do much, it made me smile briefly.

I rapped twice on the door, swallowing nervously when the door opened and Pa was there. Despite Ma and my aunt and uncles trying to rush forward to hug me, I pushed through them to hug him. His hug was tight and warm, somehow reminding me that he'd been through it too. He would understand, even if they did. 

"You can hug your father later." My aunt clucked disappointedly. "Now come here."

I never did get along with Aunt Jenny. She was snobby and always tried to keep me from doing things that made me happy because they weren't "feminine enough." I grimaced as she tried to hug me, and instead, sidestepped away from her. 

"Y/N!" She sniped angrily. "Co-"

"How about we go see your mother!" Pa grabbed me and Zussman, trying to avoid World War 3 starting on his porch. "She almost got out of bed trying to see you."

I climbed up the stairs, staring emotionlessly at the pictures lining the walls. They were supposed to offer some sort of comfort and let me know I was home. I saw nothing when I looked at them. I felt nothing. 

I stopped at the door, gently turning the knob and walking quietly into the room. "Ma?"

"Y/N!" Pa turned the light on, and Ma smiled, trying to sit up in bed. "My baby!"

I smiled and wrapped her in a light hug. Pa had let me know in a letter a few weeks ago that she was sick. The doctors were saying it was cancer and there was nothing we could do. I knew what I'd see when I got here. Seeing her in that bed, pale and tired, hurt worse than the initial shock. Ma...

"I missed you Ma." I found myself crying as I buried my face in her shoulders as we continued to hug. "I missed you so so much."

"Now now. Don't cry so much for an old woman like me. You'll get tears all over your nice uniform." She poked me gently, trying to make jokes like she always did. Her sight turned towards Robin, who was standing quietly next to me with his cover clutched in his hands. "Now who is this handsome young man?"

I chuckled lightly, pulling him to stand next to me. "Ma, this is Robert Zussman. He's my boyfriend and a former squad mate."

She stared at him for a moment, then extended a hand for him to shake. "Hmm... You look like a nice man indeed. You better take good care of her."

"Yes ma'am I will." Zuss nodded and then stepped back to let me talk with her for a little longer. 

After a bit, Pa interjected, "Why don't we all go and sit down next to the pond? The sun's setting and it's beautiful out."

I nodded and walked outside. All of my family members were pestering me, asking questions. I answered them for the most part, but eventually got tired of it. I did feel slightly bad though, as they had put together such a beautiful celebration for me. Plenty of freshly baked bread, cakes, cupcakes and more. That was the nice thing about having bakers for family members. 

A loud explosion in the air lit the night. The sky was covered with bright white and blue sparks. My eyes widened, and I ran forward, throwing myself to the ground, covering my ears. The popping continued and I felt tears rush down my face as I tried to shelter myself from the sound. 

"What the fuck John!" Pa yelled at my uncle. "What were you thinking!"

They were coming again. Was the war truly over? Why were they here? 

"Y/N! Y/N!" Robin was by my side, wrapping me in a hug and shouting amidst the noise to bring me back. 'It's just fireworks! Fireworks, Y/N! They're not here!"

I sobbed into his shoulder. My muscles were tense, and at any second I was ready to spring to the nearest cover. What had this war done to me? We'd freed Europe from the dictatorship of Germany, but was it worth it? Was this trauma and pain worth all of that? Were all those dead soldiers worth it?

After twenty minutes of him and Pa talking to me and calming me down, I finally was able to relax a little. I wasn't scared anymore, instead, I was fuming. My eyes locked on my cousin John who was rolling his eyes.

"She's just being overdramatic."

I snapped. 

Rushing forward, I tackled him to the ground, straddling his stomach as I punched him in the face and throat repeatedly. Someone pulled me off, probably Pa, but I wasn't paying much attention. 

"Overdramatic?" I roared, spit flying from my mouth. "I was beaten...stabbed... shot... and you're saying I'm dramatic? I watched soldiers I'd grown close to die when shrapnel tore them to pieces. I had to gather them in pieces to be shipped home to mothers waiting for the next letter! I was captured, assaulted, beaten, and starved. I put my life on the line for this country you motherfucker!"

"That's enough..." Pa put his hand on my shoulder, "John, go home. Come back when you're ready to apologize for being an asshole!"

This was what my life was going to be. Cowering in fear at every loud noise and raised voice. I was never going to be back to that happy and optimistic young woman I'd been when I left. I could try though, and that's exactly what I was going to do. 

~~*~~

I'd done it. After 9 hours of sweat, tears, excruciating pain, and curses thrown at Robin every four seconds... My beautiful baby girl was born into this world. She had beautiful green eyes like her father and Y/H/C hair like me. I was right. I never was able to go back to being normal. Sometimes, if someone came up behind me too silently, they'd find themselves on the ground with my knife dangerously close to their throat. She was going to make it all better though.

"Look at how beautiful she is!" He cooed, gently rocking her back and forth in the chair next to my bed. "She's so beautiful! Just like you Y/N! What were you wanting to name her?"

"Marianne Zussman."

Just like her grandmother who'd passed away a month before seeing her grandbaby born. I may not have my mother here, but I knew she was watching. 

~~*~~

"Are you sure you want to do this?" The recruiter stared at Zussman and me in disbelief. "You served before... you don't need to come back."

I looked over at my husband. Despite our "youth", both of us had graying hair. Must've been from all of the stress. I felt a moment's hesitation when I thought about Mari. She was home safe with Grampa though. She'd be okay. Even if we were gone, she'd grow up knowing that her parents were heroes. He nodded.

"Yes. I'm sure. We fought for our country once, and we'll do it again."

We weren't going to Europe this time but to Korea. We'd always be like this. Signing up for any war that would take us. Our families hated us because Mari wouldn't have us, but we couldn't stay here while our brothers risked their lives again in Korea. 

"You leave in a week."