𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐑 One Shots

Not What I was Thinking...But Ok.

"When the hell are you gonna decide to shut up."

The tall, lanky, blonde ellon gave his friend a calm, measured glance.

"Whenever you decide to stop being a damned elleth."

"Oh I'm the elleth, here. Excuse me."

There was a brief pause in which the two ellons shared a controlled, heated stare, and then the lanky, easily seven-foot ellon broke the intense eye contact casually, settling into a more comfortable position in his richly furnished chair: "Gods, Legolas. Get over yourself and let's go throw some punches. I'm getting sick of your stupid girl issues.
Always some attractive female holding onto your apron strings...
Stop baking, will you?"

At this last comment, the prince couldn't help the cynical smile that crept onto his peony-pink, shapely, royal mouth.

"Shut up, Haldir, you simp. You know my cooking sucks as well as my ability to put up with stupid people.
Yes, I'm talking about you."

The Lorien Gaurd slapped his hand on his left pec, letting out an exaggerated wheeze, his grey eyes wide in feigned shock.

"Ow...ow, that hurt..."

The prince ignored the comment, pouring himself some red wine from a bottle of slate-colored glass, watching with lazy satisfaction as the burgundy liquid fell in an even stream into his carved crystal glass.

He took a generous sip.

"There. I wish I had something to toast, but Gods -- there isn't a thing on this earth that deserves that much respect," and he and Haldir shared a sarcastic chuckle.

The Lorien Gaurd was just about to join Legolas in sipping wine, when the door to the prince's room burst open, and a soldier, clearly out of breath, stumbled in, stepping forward awkwardly to address the prince.

"Your...Highness..."

Legolas crossed his feet casually, looking at the soldier with a level gaze, his blue Sindarin eyes glittering gently under his dark lashes.

"If you're not going to speak, I think I'll punish you for bursting into my chambers, old fellow," the prince's smooth voice rolled.

The soldier straightened up at this encouragement, his once ragged breath now coming more easily.

"Your Highness. Orcs have been spotted at the edges of Greenwood. Shall I ready our--"

"No," Legolas cut in calmly, "I'll go. Haldir and I. My hor--our horses will need to be ready.
You're dismissed."

The soldier shut his mouth, which was still hanging open from his attempted speech, and turned on his heel, expression extremely deflated, and was gone.

Haldir looked at Legolas, face placid.

"Well, mangled Manwë. Aren't we just gonna completely take advantage of our family today."

The prince rose, stretching his back as he did so, wrinkling his nose as it popped quietly.

"Oooo...ahem. Yes. I'm taking advantage of you. Anything else you want to prove?"

The Lorien guard smirked, pushing past the prince as he headed towards the door.

"I don't have to."

_________________________________________

Their horses were ready as instructed.

Legolas' lovely white mare was a gorgeous, colossal beast.

Her shoulders were broad and protruding, her neck elegantly arched, and her back curved in just slightly; her barrel slim and taut with muscle, her large, graceful frame ending in four long, thick, strong legs.