Ever Since New York [h.s au]

16

Those first few months were hard. I sort of lost myself. When Bella goes through her depression phase in New Moon, that was me. I went to class, got straight A's, went to work, and went home. I lost at least 10 pounds, and Devyn wouldn't let me change my hair, I'd never looked so good in my life. But I'd also never been so sad in my life.

I felt so alone, and betrayed. Harry brought a light, a passion into my life that I didn't know I needed. He brought this daylight, then took it away from me. I was angry. I was sad, I was confused. Mostly I was lost.

The one good thing that came out of ending everything with Harry, was my hatred for men. It fueled my passion for my novel. I had more words written than ever, and it was easy. Any time I had inspiration for a song, I turned it into inspiration for the novel. Even if it didn't work, I forced it to work.

Devyn tried to talk to me, get me to go out. But I had to focus on my novel. I had to prove Harry wrong. What he said to me during our fight hit me harder than I realized. I wanted to prove him wrong. I was going to finish my novel. If that meant I lost a few friends in the process so be it.

I refused to step foot in Aurora, and I couldn't even listen to my favorite songs. Harry was connected to it all. I guess that's why people create walls. If you show people your life, they will taint it once they leave. As for reading, I stopped. If it wasn't a book for class, I couldn't pick up a book. It wasn't that they reminded me of him, it was more that I lost interest in them. I found myself watching massive amounts of tv instead.

The second week of April money appeared in my account. It was more money than I made in three months at work. I had to call my bank to see where it was from.

Columbia Records.

I looked up Harry Styles on google. Sign of the Times was the first thing that came up. He released it as the first single. I called Devyn and explained the situation. I told her I couldn't listen to the song alone. She borrowed Trey's car, and we drove to Beachwood Canyon. We were parked, overlooking the valley. When I was ready we pressed play on the song.

The piano chords I came up with started. When Harry's voice came through the speakers I gasped. It was so clear, so raw. I listened to the whole song four or five times, it was perfect. Everything I imagined. The song was perfect for his first single, it showed his vocal capabilities, and his complex emotions. Finally I spoke.

"The first time he kissed me was after we wrote this song."

Devyn squeezed my hands, "I understand why he was so desperate to keep you, Lauren this is amazing. You're really talented."

It broke me, I had this fear that I thought Harry used me from the beginning. Like he saw my potential as a writer, and shifted it into something that would benefit him. He only wanted to be my friend, or whatever it was that we were to each other because he would get a record out of it.

I looked at Devyn, tears streamed down my face. She pressed play one more time, turned the volume up so loud I thought we were going to blow the speakers, and we screamed every word of my song on Harry Styles album.

We sat in Trey's car for a few hours that night. Listening to the song over and over again. It was like he was sitting in the car with me, singing me the song we wrote about how we viewed the world. How we wanted to escape sometimes.

Devyn was really good to me during that time. She moved into Trey's apartment, knowing I needed time alone. Time to process what had happened. She'd check in on me, but didn't expect anything from me. Whenever I needed something, she was there. I was so grateful to have a friend like that, someone who understood what I needed, and gave it willingly.