where it went wrong [short story]

Part 1

Authors note: Some of you guys may already know this story, since I uploaded it on ao3 a few weeks ago, but I just really wanted to put it on wattpad as well, I never post stuff on here somehow. This story was supposed to be a one shot but I kind of fell in love with it and it became a lot longer than I had previously planned. Give it a shot if you want, I spent a lot of time writing it and it really means a lot to me.
A quick warning though: this story deals with mature topics such as parental death, mental illness, blood, mild smut, guns and violence.
Have fun reading and feel free to comment if you feel like it, I always appreciate feedback :)
much love, L

March 2022, Paris, France

Somehow, Lisa had always known that she would end up like this. Kneeling on the ground, a revolver pressed against her temple, blood of which she could only assume it was her own tickling down her neck while she waited for the inevitable.

She would be lying if she said that she never wished she wouldn't. She recounted times where she asked, begged, even prayed to the universe to choose a different path for her but deep down she knew that it was a lost cause. Everyone's life had a purpose and this was hers.

Dying an honorable death wasn't the most disappointing way to go out, she just wished she had had a little more time.

All her life, Lisa had been told that people only realize how valuable their life was on their death bed. That wasn't true for Lisa, though. Lisa learned about the beauty of life in snippets, little fragments of happiness scattered across her lifetime, which had her want to scream in ecstasy and cry in pain at the same time. Where she wished she was immortal, where she wished the concept of time would simply stop existing so she could stay in that moment forever because she knew she could never get tired of it.

She had come to peace with the course of life years ago, way earlier than most people did. But still, nothing could have prepared her for the situation she found herself in.

She heard muffled voices above her, shouting unintelligible things into her ear, her attacker increasing the pressure of the gun against her head but Lisa felt numb.

She knew this was how it was going to end one day, but it wasn't supposed to be like this.

Lisa heard another voice, a much higher one, which she immediately recognized. And other than the previous encounter, this one had an effect on her, she couldn't ignore nor control.

"She isn't supposed to see this", her mind screamed, but Lisa couldn't do anything other than close her eyes. She knew she was a coward but she couldn't bring herself to look at her. It was never supposed to be like this. And it was her fault. She should have never tried to change the course of fate for her own selfish desires and now she wasn't the only one who had to pay for it.

And in the middle of the chaos, the screaming and the horror, Lisa replayed everything in her mind, wondering where it all went wrong.

September 2005, Buriram Province, Thailand

Raindrops slid down the window, a pair of brown doe eyes following their paths curiously. They ran down the glass, as if they were going up against each other in a race.

She had always liked the rain. She liked playing outside, she liked how the water splashed up whenever she hit a puddle. She liked the way the air smelled when it rained, how it seemed to activate every part of nature in some kind of way. Rain was like a big, nurturing gift for anything living and the little girl in front of the glass never understood how something this amazing could upset so many people.

"Pranpriya?"

Her mothers voice startled the little girl and she took her eyes off the spectacle in front of her, letting them drop down to her feet instead.
"They are ready. Come down when you're ready. We'll be waiting"