Opportunity of a Lifetime: A Lizzie Olsen Story

Ch 43. Concern and Confessions

⚠️ TW: Anxiety; depression; suicide attempt; self-harm. please don't read this if you don't feel comfortable.
(A/N: it's a long one guys... I sobbed writing it so I hope you enjoy.)

Y/N POV:
20th August
My phone has been buzzing like crazy all afternoon but I just haven't got it in me to answer it, no matter who it is. From the quick glances I have snuck at the blinding screen, I have seen messages from Cleo and Lexi, a few random Instagram and Snapchat messages, a missed call from Luke, a text from Scarlett and the twins telling me that they are excited to see me, and of course, a handful of texts from my beautiful girlfriend. From the tone of her messages, I'm assuming that Lexi has messaged her saying that I am having a bit of an off day. I don't want to ignore her and push her away like this, but my anxiety is telling me that I am just being a bother and a nuisance and that she has better things to spend her time on today other than myself, which I know is absolute horse shit because she told me that she was spending the day at home in her garden.

Another five missed calls and I put on my big girl pants and answer her call. "Liz, he-" Before I even get the chance to continue my sentence, I hear her usually soft voice yelling down the phone, the tone laced with relief and concern. "Y/N, where the hell have you been? I have been trying to contact you for hours, I was worried that something happened to you. Alex called me and said that you were having problems sleeping and that you have been a little caught in your head today. God I have been so worried about you, I thought something bad had happened. God Y/N, you scared the shit out of me." She practically shouts, not a hint of anger in her voice, just worry. "Hey baby, I'm sorry... I'm okay, I have just been trying to catch up on some sleep, like Lex said, I didn't get the best of sleep." I say, my voice slightly softer than usual, barely having the energy to even talk. Before my brain can even think of something else to say, I hear her take a deep breath before she speaks up again. "Okay, that's okay... I'm just glad that you are okay... can you please buzz me in? I'm outside and don't really fancy getting noticed right now, I need to be with you." is the request that I hear through the phone from the brunette.

It takes me a moment to process her words. "Ye- wait, are you here?" I question still in the same soft tone. "Yeah, babe, I am outside, I came over to check up on you..." She says, her usual softer tone coming back more prominent. "You didn't have to do that for me..." I whisper as I force myself off the couch and over to the hall to buzz Lizzie in. "Don't be ridiculous, of course, I would do this for you. You're my girlfriend." She tells me as I hear her step into the elevator. "I'll see you in a second baby." She tells me before ending the call. I unlock the door and force my way back onto the lounge in the exact same spot that Lexi left me. Shorts, Lizzie's hoodie, fluffy socks and a blanket thrown over my body. I look like a middle-aged woman having a mid-life crisis, all the gross used tissues that are on the living room table with the small plate of food that Lexi made up for me before she left that hasn't been touched. I pull the blanket a little higher over my body and tug on the sleeves of Liz's hoodie so she doesn't notice the specks of blood on my hands from picking at my nails and the scratches on my arm that I always end up leaving when I zone out, it's a subconscious habit that I picked up over the years.

Before I know it, I hear the front door open and Lizzie slide off her shoes before she calls out to me. "Y/N, where are you?" She calls, her voice a lot calmer than it was a couple of minutes ago. "In here..." I call out, barely loud enough for her to hear but she manages to catch it. She makes her way over to the couch and gives me one of those looks that I hate receiving... a look of sorrow. "Hi, baby." She says softly, taking a few steps toward me. "Can I sit?" She questions, gesturing to the couch as I see her eyes lock with the plate of cold food momentarily before moving her gaze back to my pitiful self. I don't give her a verbal answer, just a small nod of my head and a fake smile to try to make it not look as bad as it is. I know she sees straight through my smile but thankfully, doesn't question it as she takes a seat next to me, not too close, respecting my boundaries but being close enough for me to lean into the older girl's arms if I want to.