Brutal some might say, cruel to others. Aphrodite was none of those of course, just the best at what she did with no shame. Named after a Greek goddess obviously she was going to be a narcissistic bitch willing to do anything to get her way no matte...
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APHRODITE.
The last few hours had been.. torture.
Everything felt as if it was moving in slow motion as I packed my bags, having no idea what to bring for an unknown time period. My body was definitely feeling the consequences of having crashed, rose, and crashed again in the span of the day, which hadn't even ended yet. Not only that, but now my head was throbbing again painfully. As soon as I was beginning to get used to the silence my brain began arguing with itself on what we should do, a constant battle that never was going to get resolved.
One side was saying that waiting around was useless and would only make me look weak while the other was saying I obviously wasn't ready for any kind of fight, which I sort of agreed on.
I had some sort of adrenaline rush when I saw there was even a slight chance Harry was in danger, which turned into anger when I found out who they were, and then I just crashed. Fully passed out right at the table. Harry and Gray had filled me in when I woke back up on my bed while Harry shoved de-pitted cherries and strawberries into my mouth. He said it was for ny blood sugar, but I felt like I was going to throw up if anything else entered my mouth.
Anything like that had never happened to me before, and I didn't need to add fainting spells into the mix. I mean, maybe I wasn't used to staying underwater for long periods of time anymore and it was getting to me. Or, I was about to shutdown and completely go into recycling mode again.
Like I was some sort of robot or something.
In which if it was the latter, I should just throw out everything I worked on now. Usually I was able to tell when I was going over to that version, but now the lines felt blurred. Ever since that party I found myself wanting to be her more often these days without any specific purpose. When I was finishing off a job sure, I found myself dotting out just to get through it quickly, but at least I could somewhat control that. Now? It feels like it choose who I would be for me.
A therapist I had for about two days back then told me I had created a different me, a personality he said, to cope with what happened. I think it's total bullshit, but then again what did I know? Lying to a trained professional wasn't as helpful as it was made out to be.
Maybe if I told him what crazy shit I had gone through to do what I did I would be normal by now.
He would've put me on some pills to make me remember, spilling myself out to him only to jail me for my crimes. Or, even worse, he would've put me on pills so I would feel nothing at all. No anger, happiness, or sadness. Just a blank reminder of a person. So maybe it was good I lied, I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all.
And plus, if I felt nothing at all I would be a terrible boss. To get into someone's head you have to understand not only their emotions, but yours too. There's nothing easier than destroying someone from the inside out just by getting in their head. Like David, he was so full of himself that the thought of getting with an upset young woman made he unaware of the fact I was just saying what he wanted to hear. I just had to show off my cleavage and pout my lips, and he was a dead man talking. Josh? God, I didn't even have to try. He followed me without even a second thought. The chance to get with the same girl your friend, the Harry Styles did? I was like a golden ticket for him.
