pictures of you, bill kaulitz

almost

I opened the door, it was finally Saturday. The sun was almost eyeburning with the deep baby blue sky eyelash-burning, they really were the best duo.
I was placed infront of the green door which was soon to be more wood then paint but, whatever.

I looked at his eyes which were already on mine, he looked so good. His hair resting on both his shoulders, he had changed his piercing it was shinier. Made me wish I could hold him the way that piercing wraps around his thick threaded eyebrow, god what is up with me today? I mean out of everyone why was I thinking like that about Bill?
"Hey Morgan, you told me to come by I hope right now is a good time?" Something about him looked different and it wasn't just his change of piercing, he seemed more.. attractive? Before I'd get knitted in with my thoughts I nodded and smiled warmly the same way I had to Tom the first time we interacted, this time his brother seemed to match my expression.

We sat on the couch while I couldn't stop thinking about how cold the leather below me was, must've costed my mom four weeks of my allowance. The only thought that could impose me from the cold lingering under my thighs was my stomach. I was starving, I hadn't eaten at all today especially since Bill had arrived so early, literally maybe fifteen minutes after I woke up.
He looked tense, not mad or mean but an awkward tense he seemed uncomfortable, I'm not sure why and I definitely wasn't going to make the awkwardness a mutual feeling by asking. He was still talking just slightly less than he usually would which honestly worried me.

"Bill, is something bothering you?" His sight became puzzled with his top lip starting to devour his lower, seriously what was up with him? "Oh nothing I just, it's well- uhm..." Bill Kaulitz.. STUTTERING? Was I teleported to a different dimension that I'm not aware about? ..Is this why I felt myself attracted to him?

"It's just.. Tom's friends." I knew something was up and it wasn't just me... well maybe I might've convinced myself the multiverse did exist but ultimately my senses were right from the beginning.
I also knew that Tom's friends were all dicks, I mean out of everyone I'm sure I'd know.. since I'm in their friend group, still not fully consented.

I wanted to ask him what was wrong but the look in his eyes told me everything, I don't think I'd ever see him so.. vulnerable? It was saddening as if he'd lost the spark he once had even if it was temporary it was almost depressing.

Silence filled our lungs which made me focus on his lips, why? You know why. I hadn't felt like this towards anyone but it wasn't a crush or anything related to love, just rare attraction. Before I could get a grip on my surroundings our faces were somehow closer, our breathing slowly became in sync with what felt like steam begin to fill my nostrils. Is this what he wanted? Is this what I wanted..?

↓

I ended the tension, I KNOW very fucking dumb of me and I will never stop beating myself over it, but I just couldn't do it! I mean no offense but anyone were to find out I'd be dead, well socially. And my dignity.. it would be long gone, probably left my body while I was still inches away from his throbbing lips! Okay they weren't throbbing, but hey it looked like that in the moment.

I ended up pushing him away without a single touch by just running away into the kitchen, when I saw his face it seemed that I had pushed his soul instead of him, I hate it when he looks at me that way. And the worse part is that 'look' is just the natural sugary sensation his eyes radiate. I actually hate feelings, I hate them so fucking much.

Aside from romance... we talked about what he would do for the first two opening nights I never how much it took to make let alone play music, I guess my seventh grade dream of becoming the next Britney Spears is way out of my laziness scale. Whoops!
Bill had two other volunteers play along with him apparently they were two grades above us, probably losers aswell I hadn't ever heard of them, and if Gianna doesn't talk about you... you're officially completely and utterly irrelevant. Whoops again!

Their names are Gustav and Goerg, but make sure to read and say it with a heavy German accent because that's how Bill pronounced it. I'll have a talk with Bri tomorrow morning and tell her she wouldn't have to find anyone to play anymore, I doubt she even remembers probably too busy becoming cannibal along with Atlas at another dumb frat party, seriously they cannot keep their mouths off each others for five minutes. It's literally disgusting. Unless it'd be me and a really hot guy.. like Brad Pitt hot, then it's acceptable.

I think Bill left around two after discussing what songs him and the other two guys would play, apparently 'they needed to practice' yeah like that's an excuse to leave someone's hangout? Okay yeah maybe it is but I didn't want him to leave so early, for starters I was bored Bradley wasn't going to be home until tomorrow afternoon because of some dumb work thing and secondly I had ordered a large pizza and I knew if he didn't eat with me I would've finished it entirely all my myself, not the best choice if I wanna stick to cheer captain.

But he did, he left me behind like I was worth nothing.. the love he once filled my heart with ended with a yearning hollow love that dreaded only for him, his touch...
Just kidding. I've been watching romance movies non-stop it's like an addiction now, better than a cocaine addiction, I hope.