pictures of you, bill kaulitz

saturday

It was the second day after the concert, once again not much has gone on since then aside from the fact that 'Tokio Hotel' was now the most talked about topic in school and the town. They were more than good, words couldn't describe how thankful I was for finding Bill. They performed on friday aswell and unlike thursday the money we raised increased, coach was far more thankful than I seemed to be which was ultimately a good sign. I began talking a lot more instead of listening to music and drowning in my thoughts while observing everyone like a stalker, I'm sure everyone's thankful for that too.

I actually began talking at my lunch table and pitching into the conversations aswell, still doesn't mean I'm friends with the football team though I still hold a big fat grudge against Atlas for what he did to both Bill and me. Well... mostly Bill.
Each day that went by Tom's popularity grew larger than it had the day prior he was soon to beat Leo if he kept it up this way without fucking it up, I was surprised at how many girls were dumb enough into fulfilling his hormone outbursts. I guess I too felt the same interest in his long fingers caressing my waist hard enough to reveal his veins on a late night friday but I wasn't going to let my heart take the wheel, that's my brains job. Besides after the whole tension between me and Bill I feel that it would just be disrespectful to him to play both him and his brother?

I don't know, I think I'm overreacting I'm sure Bill doesn't feel the same way about that night it was probably just a shoulder brush type thing for him. Atleast I kinda hope it was but a part of me wishes it weren't.
I hate feelings, like a fucking lot.

It was saturday so no school.. hooray? I don't know the more I don't see Bill or Tom the more interest I seem to gain on them, I begin thinking about what they're doing what they ate how they are... it's exhausting and the thing is I'm not sure why I feel like this towards either of them? I hadn't had a crush on anybody since eight grader Andre Thompson. He was cute, everybody thought he was cute he was everybody's friend but nobody was his unless he kind of.. claimed you? He was a weird kid definitely far too ahead for his age, people would petition for him to sit with them at lunch or even boring class. I didn't pay much attention to him let alone fall to his feet instantly, maybe mentally but never physically. I guess I had always been like that I don't listen to my temptations rather my instincts.
Anyway, Andre liked me and tried anything and everything to get closer to me. He stopped hanging out with his friends just to sit with me even though I never gave him the honor of a full conversation or even eye-contact, still through all of that he continued to stick by me until in freshman year I gave in. He made me feel loved, appreciated not a day went by where he didn't remind me of how beautiful I was to him. Even if I didn't believe it I believed he thought so, he would massage my inner thighs with his thumb while driving. He would take any chance to put any hair strand behind my ears, he was so so loving that 'making love' seemed like the right thing to do that January night.

He cheated on me a week after I handed him both my body and my dignity.
After that the trust issues rose far too long. It started off with not talking to Gigi then stopped talking to Briana until I stopped talking to all of whom I considerd "my friends".
I started becoming kind of.. a loner? I'm surprised I made it this long still considered "in the friendgroup". That's why I don't want to fall for anyone ever again.

Okay that's a lie, I just don't feel like going through that again in highschool I'd rather wait until college and deal with it then or maybe find someone more than just a one night stand but I can't find that in this dumb school. And I know for a fact, that person will not be Bill or Tom.

a/n: last two chapters have been fillers, but this chapter is rather important due to the backstory of Morgan's past relationship.