[0] voices | ✓

d a y - f o u r t e e n

Have you ever had the feeling.

Where you can't breathe.

When your lungs.

Just don't work.

When breathing just halts.

Stops.

That is how Sam felt, as he lied on the beach. He didn't feel anything but numbness but yet he welcomed that numbness like it was a second home. Second home? His first home was already gone like his father. A bitter taste formed on the tip of his tongue at that thought. Thinking of his father, only caused him pain and regret. He swallowed trying to swallow away the lump in his throat.

This was his fault.

His blame.

He accepts the blame.

Whole heartedly.

What he would give to just speak to his father again. He would give his life away for that one last sentence. He wouldn't waste a minute of his time. He would cherish the moment. But how could he do that? How could he go back? He couldn't. A gust of wind blew the dry sand from the beach into the air. A small smile crept on his worn out face. He remembered the moment when his Dad took him to the beach. The day after his mother left. His Mother left him for another man. How unfaithful she was. His eyes closed remembering that day.

How he held his father's hand tight.

How he promised never to let go.

How he can never get those years back.

Screams and shouts; was what he heard on that night. How he heard his Father plead for her to stay but she just shrugged him off. Like he was just a dirty napkin. As if his father was just someone who was insignificant to her. A stranger. Sam grimaced as he remembered his father's face falling.

Falling.

Falling.

Into an endless pit of depression.

He cleared his throat opening his eyes, to the clear night sky. The stars twinkled in the cool night; the stars were almost breath taking. Almost. Stars were beautiful but to him stars were just the void of emptiness in his heart because as soon as the sun rose; the stars will disappear.

Just like his father.

Slowly, he rose from the sand; he ignored the sand that was covering him and dragged his feet toward the waves. The waves were crashing in a beast like form onto the shore. He had to do this. He couldn't back away.

Just one foot.

In front of the other.

One step.

Two steps.

Three steps.

He was there.

At the edge. On the other side there was the ocean. The suffocating ocean with roaring waves and the other side was life. Life. A life which he didn't think he deserved. He ignored the wave of guilt and looked down at the crashing waves.

If he jumped.

If he did.

He would die.

He knew that.

It was exactly two weeks.

14 days.

336 hours.

20160 minutes.

1209600 seconds.

Since he crashed the car. Which he knew caused his father's death. Hesitantly, he looked down; he was afraid that if he looked down; it would change his choice. But it didn't, the waves only seemed more welcoming.

He swallowed down his fears and closed his eyes.

"When there is nothing left in your heart.

All you can do is let go."

Then he slipped.

In an endless slumber.