Best Friends Don't Kiss and Tell

3. Can I lose you if you were never truly mine?

Author's Note: You've been warned!
This is finally Ominis' pov. There is no comfort here. But if you stick with this I promise you that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I also hate to ruin the experience for some with warning tags, but I feel it's only fair in case there is someone who might actually need them. This is a safe space after all!
*This chapter might be a trigger for:
Suicidal thoughts, dubious consent, sexual abuse, anxiety and depression.*
(Honestly, his makes it sound worse that it actually is, it think... heh)

I apologize in advance. 🙏
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He still found himself reminiscing about that first time Sebastian had touched him. It wasn't because of the sexual release that it brought, but rather because it had surprised him deeply, that Sebastian had actually paid attention to what he'd told him before.

It was the intimacy that he had craved for so long. He hadn't just touched his manhood. No... he had touched him. As softly as he had always imagined it would be. He had also remembered about the sounds, so as he kissed his neck, he kept voicing into his ear the sweetest words he'd ever heard him say and emitting the most exquisite sounds he ever dared to imagine. And what was simply the butter embracing him whole, even if it wasn't intentional, was that he could actually lose himself in his favorite scent in the world.

Of course he was in love with him, deeply. He had suspected it since before their ridiculous first kiss. But after that first time that their tongues had blissfully met, he just simply knew.

And it hurt. It hurt him so bad that after months... months for Merlin's sake! Sebastian would still call their joinings "practices". He had hoped for a while that he would eventually realize he probably loved him too. That in the heat of their moments he would maybe want more and as they naturally explored new levels of intimacy that maybe, just maybe, Sebastian would finally say the words he longed to hear.

He had hoped. And he decided that at least it was something, that sharing kisses with him was better than nothing, and he surely thought it meant that in the end, if he was patient with him, it would all work itself out. He had waited, patiently. And then Sebastian had gone and opened his damned mouth again.

And it hit him... hard. What he was asking of him now, that new level of intimacy he had hoped they would someday reach, was being offered to him now as a mere object of sexual release. It felt as if Sebastian had brutally shoved his hand inside his chest, grabbed his aching, longing heart, and simply squeezed it dry of everything that he had held on to all this time.

Sebastian wanted to use him. To make him his toy, all in pursuit of his own personal gratification. Offering him to 'return the favor' after he was done, as if the act itself was nothing more than a flick of the wrist. He wanted to shout at him, hit him with his raw fists. Ask him, how was it possible to do such things as if they were nothing?! Meant nothing?!

But then he'd realized something. Perhaps it wasn't like that after all... maybe he wanted the same as him, felt the same, but simply didn't know how to go about it, how to let himself feel it. Maybe he was simply lost in his own feelings, and in his very, no... extremely confused mind. It could be that the reason he kept playing it casual was that deep down he was afraid of it too. Of what it entailed. To be in love with his best friend.

So he had reluctantly decided to be patient again. He told himself that perhaps with this new level of intimacy he would finally be able to realize his feelings. He knew he shouldn't push him, even if Sebastian had his boisterous exterior, Ominis knew that underneath it all he was raw, sensitive and exposed. So he would wait for him, encouraging him with his own love. He would try to show him how good it would be, to let himself be loved.