waiting for superman | m.s47

xxiv.

xxiv.

"catherine! hey, wait–"

     mick was not trying to stop you from meeting your father who is in the ICU. he would consider evil if he did that to you–to anyone–given that he had the same experience back when he was a teenager. but you are in a hospital. and you shouldn't be running and being loud as if there's no one else in the ward who probably needs the same amount of rest and attention as your father.

     he watches you sprint towards the counter, talking to a woman behind the counter, nodding a few times before bolting to your left without looking back at him. mick grunts, jogs towards you and just in time to catch you, who is already inside a lift.

     you could've sworn that you saw mick glaring at you as he stands close beside you in the lift. maybe he was pissed that you left him by himself at the front entrance. and if it weren't because of his ethletic energy, he wouldn't be here with you right now in the lift. as much as you want to apologise to mick for that, you decided that you could do that later. maybe after seeing karl. right now–

     ding!

     once the lift doors open, you are running once again. out of the lift, towards an unfamiliar hallway that leads you to a ward room. mick jogs close behind you and stops when he sees you hugging annie in front of a door.

     "annie! i'm sorry! i'm sorry i'm late! i'm---!"

     "hey, catherine. shhh, it's alright. your father is still there. you can calm down." annie sounds exhausted but for catherine and karl, she stays awake. "you can come in anytime you're ready. hi, mick."

     mick tries to smile at annie but the scrunch of his face make it seems like he hates the smell of the hospital. though, annie wouldn't blame him. she used to work in the hospital before, taking care of people, wipe someone's butt, trimming their pubes hair, holding a person's hair when she is vomitting, cleaning someone's urine on the hospital floor. and not to mention when the patient suddenly lost exessive blood, suddenly burst out of their wound.

     but mick has a different memory than annie.

     the image of his father strapped in the hospital bed, with wires everywhere, appears at the back of his eyes vividly. how he, even as the son, has to wait for the visiting hour to see his dad. he tried to move on from it especially when his work requires him to see the doctor frequently but the truth is, he could never.

     but for you, he braves himself and follows you inside your father's ward room. he thought you didn't notice him so he was surprised when you link your fingers with him as both of you stand beside your father's hospital bed. you squeeze mick's fingers, as if he was the one who needed the encouragement.

     both of you watch as your father slowly and painfully breathing behind the oxygen mask, eyes wild as he searches for your voice above him. these wires. the machines. you know this isn't something that you will forget easily. seeing the man you called dad, lying helplessly on the hospital bed, it's hard to remember how he looked like when he was healthy because this image in front of you is all that you can remember now. and possibly forever.

     you reach your father's hand with your free hand. his skin calloused under your fingertips. "dad, i thought i told you to wait for me."

     the man on the bed didn't show any sign that he understands you. neither did he show any sign that he recognises you, but he does stare at you when he hears someone else's voice in the room.

     "dad, i'm so sorry for leaving you. i–i shouldn't have left you... like mum did. if i didn't leave two days ago, you wouldn't be here." you sob.

     mick, who was standing beside you this whole time, suddenly snaps out of this own world. he shouldn't have gotten you that vip access. he shouldn't have begged you to come to watch his and sebastian's last race in abu dhabi grand prix. he shouldn't have let you leave your father's side. he shouldn't have told you that he booked the flight tickets, hotel rooms, had a driver ready for her you when you arrived in saudi arabia, made you feel guilty so that you will eventually agree to come. if he had done nothing of these, your father won't have fallen sick that annie had to call the ambulance and got him taken to the emergency.

     mick suddenly let go of your hand. your head snaps towards the space between your hands before looking up at mick. confusion written on your face, but instead of explaning, mick turns around for a run.

     "hey, how's it–oh. i thought you were catherine," annie says outside of the ward room. "hey, mick!" and annie didn't mean to shout in the quiet hallway. she knows how to respect other patients inside other ward rooms, but mick had run away from annie. and when the clicking sound of the door greets him, he runs faster towards the stairs.

     "mick, would you stop?!" you run after the young man, leaving annie with an eyebrow raised. "mick, would you care tell me what's wrong?"

     "leave me alone," mick says.

     "mick, come on! we're not teenagers anymore!"

     "i just need some fresh air, catherine." mick tries to keep himself composed.

     "you can do that with me! STOP RUNNING!" you shouted. your voice echo in the empty, hollow emergency exit of the hospital. his hand pauses on the door knob. "mick, i can tell something is in your mind right now so for the love of god, just tell me."

     mick doesn't move. he keeps his eyes on his hand on the door knob. his heart is pounding in his ears. from the running, from the anger towards himself, from your voice. he once swore to himself that he would take care of you until his last breath, even if you didn't end up marrying him, but he wants to do that to you. however, this guilt... he's not sure about that now. he cannot look at your face and not see that he was the reason behind those tears. he had caused your father to–

     mick gulps. "i'm sorry, catherine."

     you frown. "for what? mick, for what? tell me, please," you beg. "we don't have much time. my father is–i can't leave him. please just–"

     "your father wouldn't be here if i didn't buy you those damn tickets," mick speak through his clenched jaws.

     "is that what you think?"

    "your father, catherine." mick is shaking. you can hear it in his voice. and he can take as much time he can to talk, but the fact that your father could die any time now, makes you on edge. "if i didn't buy those stupid tickets and didn't force you to come and watch me on my last race, he wouldn't be hospitalised. i'm sorry for throwing you in this situation. and–and i get it if you–"

     "mick." you take a few steps closer toward mick. "look, i'm sorry if i ignored you just now. i just–i'm just so worried about my father. i thought out of the many people, you would understand." you frown deeper. "and mick, it's not your fault my father is here now. and i flew to abu dhabi because i wanted to, not because you forced me to. i knew how it meant to you and sebastian if i were there with you guys."

     mick doesn't know what to say. he is so angry at himself and adore the way you handle the situation. how could he not see this on you before? how could he abandon you and hurt you instead? he doesn't deserve you, does he? even though you agreed to be his girlfriend, you let him kissed you in front of billions of people after the race, he still doesn't deserve you.

     "so please stop with that 'everything is my fault' bullshit, okay? and i thought you said that you will always be by my side? you're going to break the promise now? after you kissed me in front of everyone–literally everyone–after park femme?"

     mick snorts. after all these years, he is amazed how he is still surprised with all your little snide remarks as if you could read his mind. "i know you won't." you smile back at mick.