We'll See Each Other Soon

Zeus

 The bus ride home was long for me, longer than most. First, I had to be transported from William D Ford, a half hour to Belleville high. Then, roughly 10 minutes later, I leave for my home another 40 minutes away. Home is a funny word, I don't really consider my house my home.

Home, to me, is somewhere you're most comfortable being yourself. The only time I'm comfortable: with my horses. There was always one thing to keep me busy on this bus ride. Music. I always find myself listening to music, my head against the window as my mind wanders to those horses. A moody morgan galloping in the wind; Velvet. A beautiful bay tearing the paint off the barrel. It didn't matter what song I listened to; I always thought about running.

It was a cold April, living in Michigan during "winter" isn't easy. Wearing a T-shirt on such a cold day isn't easy either as I shut my eyes. The rain sprinkled the window, roads slick despite the blue sky. Whatever song I listened to that day, April 17th 2023, I couldn't be sure. Rihanna? Lady Gaga? My Chemical Romance? Your guess is as good as mine. But what I do remember-

The thoughts spinning through my head. Zeus. Zeus, the bay who was improving by the day. He was getting faster every week. He was turning and burning like a barrel horse should. He wasn't blowing turns, or dropping his shoulder, or loping as slow as a pleasure horse. He had changed this year, and realized what had to be done. I had gotten better too. My timing was better, my seat better, my hands better, I was actually riding. I couldn't stop thinking of this weekend, my birthday. Wauseon, Ohio here we come. We were going to show the doubters that we could do it, just like we had done the last show and the show before that. We were going to win that saddle this year. My mind wouldn't stop replaying that run in my head. The perfect run. Just like every bus ride.

The night before I had shown Zeus the buckle we had just won, our first one. As I nuzzled his soft nose and he shoved his nose in my face sniffing me. The week before, midnight, he had seen my new haircut to match him as he stretched his neck out as far as he could to see better and touched my nose with his. Snorting deeply. His scent, clean. His nose, soft. Right then, the bus had stopped.

"Have a good day," I told the bus driver just like usual. My mom was in the middle of the driveway, unlike usual. Our driveway is long, covered in gravel. The walk is far, as my mind begins to wander. Her expression: a frown. And not the realistic frown where it's almost neutral; this was like an actual frown. The sides of her mouth forced down, her eyebrows scrunched up. I couldn't figure out what was up. I found my eyes wandering to my grandparents house just next door.

Did one of them die? I found myself thinking, nonchalant. That's the weird thing about predicting death: you don't think anything of it until the words are out of their mouth and then it hits you like a dump truck.

"Go sit your backpack down," She had said. And while I would usually object, typical teenagers, I found myself cooperating. I went inside, my backpack on the same leopard print chair as everyday. I took my time setting my cowhide purse down. Did the horses escape? Did I leave a gate open? Did they jump the fence? Whatever it was, I was quickly connecting the dots without being told.

I stepped back outside, just off the steps, looking into my moms eyes. Then it flashed before me, without a word needing to be said.

ZEUS IS DEAD

The words flashed before me in my mind, and all I could do is laugh at my overreaction in my mind. Zeus, dead? Velvet's twice his age, she'd have to go first. He's so young.

"Zeus is dead." Tears flood her eyes.

My eyes go wide, and in a flash of tears I didn't even think were there flooded out. A dam had broken, my knees felt weak almost as if they had suddenly broken. How could he die? What happened?