This Time Around

Chapter 65 - Rome

Trigger Warning

Saturday, July 12th

"Every time I come here now, all I feel is an intense feeling of helplessness. Even though this is a joyous occasion, I can't help but feel somber."

"I know how you feel, Pops."

"Do you, June? I'm not trying to scold you or make you feel guilty. I'm just trying to understand what's going on inside your head. I don't want you to be suppressing feelings and shit because you are trying to protect someone else's. I don't give a damn who they are."

Rella is across the room with the kids, so I hope that he can speak freely. Ricky and Tony went out to get snacks for the kids. Those two would have this conversation shutdown before it started.

Chance called everyone early this morning letting us know that Diedra went into labor. He was a nervous wreck. I'm proud of him. Fatherhood looks good on him.

Since Lay's attack, everyone has just made it a tradition to pack the waiting room. We did this for Peach, Angel and Rella. It's not shit that's gon' pop off in this mothafucka without bullets popping. Fuck the hospital's policy of no weapons.

We should have sued the fuck out of them. They decided to make us an offer outside of court. Every baby born to the Brown family for the next twenty years will be blessed to enter this world inside one of these fancy ass suites. All courtesy of the hospital.

I had five cousins come all the way from Florida just to give birth. They had to do all of their prenatal care here, but they claimed it was worth it. Dr. Jeff's clinic was able to benefit as well, because no one wants to go to another clinic. He actually brought on three more doctors to his practice.

The Allen's refuse to step foot inside of this hospital. Kino had them use his money to replace all of the recliners throughout the private wings. Those mothafuckas are nice. I went and purchased two for my mancave. He also made them use a portion to train their staff properly on hospital policies and safety.

"Pops, if you asked me last year, I wouldn't have known what to say. Therapy is working since I have started to take it seriously. It's been a constant slap to the face but it's worth it. I regret ever approaching Layla. Hear me out before you say anything.

She was an amazing friend, a confidant. She was someone who was intellectual enough to have a conversation about more than sex and money. She had goals she was fulfilling and she pushed me to reach mine.

The only people who know that I'm an artist are my close family. Most of y'all didn't even know until I was in high school. Mama still doesn't know. It's not that I'm keeping it away from her or anything, but she never asked. The fellas found out when they saw a tattoo that I did and asked the guy who did it.

You found out when I did that drawing of Bigmama and Papa for Father's Day for you. Layla found out the first time we hung out. The first thing she wanted to know was my dreams and passions.

It was nice having a female that was in tune with my emotional side and sex wasn't the foundation. I didn't have to break down or anything in front of her, she just cared. Really cared. I love mama with everything in me, but her absence and presence in my life fucked me and Tiff up.

The same way girls try to find the love of a father through a man, is the same way it was for me regarding Mama. She was there but we never got to really bond with her like Chance did with Aunt Sy or how you did with Nana."

He took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair and I had to rub the back of my neck. It's what we do when we are uncomfortable or stressed. I know my kids wanted their mama to be perfect but she wasn't. Hell mine wasn't either but she was there. Brenda was a great mother, when she was allowed to be.