escapism ✈︎ Enhypen x Reader

So close

Another day, another letter. Today is different from the other days. Today i feel better.

I don't know why, i don't know how, but i think it has to do with the boys. I didn't realise how much i missed them until now.

Yesterday, after the show, we bought some pizzas and shared between all the staffs and the group. I was sat near Sunoo, i could smell the scent of his perfume. Sweet and light.

They were talking about special moments they had with engenes and my heart skipped a beat when they mentioned you. They talked about the good memories with you and i've never felt closer.

Some of them had tears in their eyes, others just sat in silence while eating. It was sad, but necessary. At that moment i realized that i wasn't the only one hurting. I realized that they also lost you, and by consequence, lost me.

They would understand me. I knew that all along, but was way too scared to go back.

•~•~•

"Hey y/n. What are you writing?" Niki asked, suddenly appearing of nowhere.

I quickly cover the letter with a blank paper and say. "Oh, it's nothing. Just a grocery shopping list that i'm making for when i go back home."

"Ah, is that it? Or are you hiding something else?" He kept on going and i couldn't really think of anything to say, so my mouth just opened and closed repeatedly like a fish, but stopped as soon as he spoke again.

"Did you know i'm a really observant person? Of course you know, who am i kidding? At first i thought the name was just a coincidence, but it's the same company isn't it? It's the company you told Sunghoon Hyung about right before you left."

"I hated you for a really long time after you left. It wasn't fair. If you told us how you really felt we wouldn't have stopped you. All we wanted was to help you, couldn't you notice that? Wasn't it obvious enough? Huh? But noooo, you had to run away, right? Because that's what you do when things get hard. You run away! And you might not have had anyone besides Geun before all that happened, but you met us! You met us and you lighted up our world and made us feel different not because we were idols, but because we could just be ourselves with you. You made us feel all this things and the ran away like nothing mattered, like WE didn't matter!"

Tears started rolling down my face as i saw how lost he looked. "I'm sorry, i'm so sorry" I sobbed while seeing him cry in front of me. "I know you wouldn't have stopped me, i really know. I was just so scared a-and i didn't know how to deal with all those feelings, Geun was the one who always helped me through hard times but now he is not here and i feel so lost. I'm sorry, please forgive me, i'm sorry."

Niki's crying started to get heavier each second that passed and suddenly i couldn't breath. Thick salty tears rolled down his face that once shined with a bright smile. His pink and soft lips trembled as his eyes resembled what i would call a pained look. A very broken one.

He was falling. We were falling. We once fell before but it wasn't like this.

No.

We fell for each other. We fell into a reality of hapiness and love. At least that's what i felt for him. For all of them.

Now it's not the same. No, it isn't. We once fell in love, and now we are falling apart. We were a castle built out of cards. A beautiful castle of cards, but at some point the wind blew and the castle was destroyed. The cards flew away with all the happiness within the walls.

Is this how Juliet and Romeo felt? Stuck in the middle of a fight that weren't theirs? Because this is not my fight. It has never been. It was Geun's. It was his fight and now he won. He's in happy and in peace, but i took his pain.

I took his pain and made it mine.

I couldn't accept that he was fine.

I couldn't accept that he was fine without me.