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i l l u s o r y : 13

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I L L U S O R Y : 13

Unlike how I predicted it to be, lunch goes by better than I thought it would. Away from all the prying eyes of my judgmental classmates and sitting in the air conditioned fast food joint with my three close friends is sort of a nice therapy in a way to me. I know though that if I didn't have them, I would be worse off than I imagined myself being.

After all, everyone didn't know how to treat me when Jared died. His best guy friends comforted me for a little while, with reassurances that I'll always be like a sister to them and that I can always go to them whenever I need someone in a brother like way but the truth is though, no one could and can never replace Jared. He was meant to be my brother through blood, and no matter how long it will be in this life of mine and beyond I know that death can never separate the true sibling bond that we have.

So when Bridger drops me off at my driveway and I wave goodbye to him, I'm greeted with the sight of Jared pacing on the porch. Scrunching my eyebrows together, I slowly make my way up the driveway and towards him. If it's one thing I don't really see from him, it's him being nervous. I've seen him at his worst, when he's angry or when he's sad, and I've seen him at his best but after he passed away he never has shown the emotion of being nervous in front of me.

Reaching him I stand on the top porch step and fold my arms against my chest. "Is something troubling you, Jared?" I ask him with hesitance, and in return he turns and looks at me with a smaller smile than one I'm accustomed to. He sighs though and glances down at the wooden porch.

"I've been thinking about what you said earlier, about crossing over," Jared admits and I crane my head to the side before I head down the porch and sit down on the porch swing. It sways a little before settling.

"You have, have you?" I watch him as he nods his head, reassuring me that he really has thought about it. "Well, tell me about what you have been thinking," I continue, wanting nothing more than to hear his actual thoughts now on crossing over since it's been two years since he last had the opportunity to cross over.

"I've been thinking about it's about time I tell you why I didn't cross over," Jared says with caution before he takes a deep breath and turns, his eyes caught on the attention of Bridger's car sitting in the driveway. Thankfully, Bridger is already in his house.

Sure I love him, but right now I just want this conversation to be between me and Jared, because after all it is a personal matter.

"Well, good. I've been waiting for two years," I point out and he flickers his eyes towards me before he rolls his blue eyes at me as though he doesn't want to be reminded.

"What can I say? I'm known for procrastination," he responds back before we both look at each other for a moment. Something inside his eyes though change, as though he has more determination, more drive, and is much braver than before.

"Don't remind me." I look at him with warm eyes, and it's enough for him to sit down on the porch railing and look down from his perched spot. He can see the patience my eyes, yet the little amount of impatience mixed within our blue eyes. It's obvious that I would be impatient, after all, we both know that he needs to cross over.

"Well, I guess it's confession time," Jared mumbles to himself rather than to me and I fold my arms against my chest while I lean back into the porch swing, the tiny pillows pressed against the back of the porch swing being the only thing keeping me from having a stiff back from the hard wooden back.

"When I died, my life flashed in front of my eyes," Jared starts and I nod my head, before he looks at the front door. "I saw the moments that were the best in my life, the odd moments that I'd rather forget,and the horrible moments that would be present in my mind for my last seconds of my life and forever in the afterlife. Yet, somehow when I thought of you and how you comforted me and reassured me that everything was going to be okay when it came to talking to people about their dead family members something in me appeared within my decreasing heart.