Shadow of the Prophecy

Ch. 9 - Gave You So Much But It Wasn't Enough

Helena Haggerty
February of her 4th year

Helena feels the rift between them more than she sees it.

Theodore meets her in the library every evening as he always does, but he sits farther away than he ever has. If she tries to touch him or take his arm, he shrugs her off.

He is polite about it, to be sure, but it is the way in which he does it; abrupt, and glaringly obvious that he is averse to her touch.

Helena does not understand it. Theodore had wanted to see her the night of the celebration, and when she had pulled him into her arms, he had let her. He had not moved away, but had instead moved closer. He had asked her to read to him, and he had fallen asleep so peacefully in her lap. Yet, in the bright light of day when she had nudged him awake, he had been unable to meet her eye. He had apologized for his lack of class, and had left abruptly. He had not looked back.

Helena had been forced to walk down the stairs of the astronomy tower in her night clothing by herself, then. It had been so markedly different than how he had ever treated her before; like what had transpired between them in the Astronomy tower was something shameful.

She feels that shame in each interaction now. When he stands an arms length away instead of allowing their shoulders to brush, or when he only nods his head in greeting to her in the great hall. She feels it in the way his eyes watch their surroundings when they move through the halls, like walking with her is a sin. He is quieter, too, and he no longer asks her to read to him. She had tried to once, and he had made an excuse to leave.

So, Helena takes Theodore's behavior for what it is. Now that her feelings are out in the open, this new dynamic may just be his way of sparing her feelings or drawing his own boundaries. Perhaps Theodore knows that she was more upset on the night of Christmas Eve than she had let on, and now every interaction for him is awkward and uncomfortable. She allows him to put distance between them, and she is careful not to touch him. In the library, she reads her books in silence, and then, at night, she tries her hardest not to cry. Very rarely, she succeeds.

Any hope of seeking comfort and solace in Basil's wisdom is also lost to her; for Basil, too, begins to act just as strangely. Helena will spot her in the hallways and attempt conversation, and Basil will be curt and kind and quit her company just as quickly as Theodore moves from her touch. It is as though the two of them are being haunted, and whatever specter they fear could have eyes on them at any moment.

Two weeks into the behavior change, and Helena begins to push herself further away. She only greets Theodore in the great hall if he greets her first, and though he will often press if she declines his invitation to the library, he does not stop her on the nights that she leaves the library earlier than she would have before. She smiles at Basil in the hallway, but acts too busy to speak between classes. Neither of them press. Of course she is tired, and of course, she is busy. She is studying for two O.W.L.s, after all.

It is easier to be without the Slytherins than to feel like her company causes them upset. At the very least, if she is the one widening the rift, it does not hurt so much. To think, on Christmas Eve she had felt so lucky to have their company and had been at her happiest and most content. Then, by New Year's, she had all but lost them completely.

Even her communication stone has remained unchanged since the night in the Astronomy tower, and Helena decides to put it away so she doesn't have to think about it. It is just one more reminder of something that was so close to her grasp, only to slip through it like water.

To distract her mind further, she turns again to solving the Arithmancy door puzzles. The little rooms they reveal serve as a unique hiding place if she senses Theodore or Basil's presence, and are also a good place to wallow if she is entirely honest. Hogwarts has begun to decorate itself for the Day of All Lovers, and every bit of poetry she hears recited is a reminder of a better, happier time. It is difficult to dodge the little enchanted paper cupids in the halls when every recited word she hears is its own arrow, and she can hardly bear it.