gravity; george weasley

04- always an angel, never a god

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1053 wordsss
⭐️

I am struggling.

Recently the weed had subsided my thoughts. The thoughts that screamed at me to jump off the astronomy tower, the thoughts that told me to scream at everyone I know and leave them all behind. The thoughts that told me I was terrible.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13 after an attempt. While the diagnosis gave me an explanation it was also crushing. Chloe knew about it and she slightly knew about my self destructive habits. But she didnt know the extent they had gotten to in the last few years.

I started in the Christmas holidays in third year.

Honestly, there was no real definitive situation that happened where I snapped, it just happened. I go through weeks sometimes months where it stops. Where I don't have the desire to harm. But when I start again its always bad.

Really bad.

-

the day had started shit, and will most likely end shit.

fucking mondays.

I had woken up and realised i had no bud left. i fucking almost threw myself off the balcony i was sitting on. i spam texted Blaise begging, pleading that he would reply and after no response i smashed my phone on the ground. now it sports hundreds of lovely new cracks.

i angrily arrived at breakfast, noticed i had forgotten my fucking wand and when i made it back to the hall and scanned the table i saw that my fucking comfort food - gotta love eating disorders- was not being served today.

THEN in potions i knocked over my cauldron all over the classroom and copped a screaming lecture from Snape. AND FUCKING THEN in herbology my plant had died and i basically failed.

now i sit in history of magic with my head in my arms staring at the table beneath me and it hit me.

the itchy feeling in my arm, the burning feeling in my thighs, the urge to feel anything but numb coursing through my veins.

the relapse was here.

i had to decide if i would run to the bathroom now or wait until i had my kit and the privacy of my own bathroom.

but before anything could happen i felt a tap at my shoulder. i look over and see the one and only George Weasley kneeling beside me. a worried look on his face,

"Cass, are you ok?" his brows furrowed

i almost laughed.

i didn't.

"uh yea, George, im ok"

"are you sure, im here if you need to talk about anything"

"yeah, its just been a really long day"

"Cass- somethings up, i can tell"

he looks at me curiously, eyes darting across my features. i take the time to look at his. his fiery hair was pulled up into a bun at the top of his head. baby hairs falling around his face. brown, glittery eyes adorned with long brown lashes. George had high cheekbones and a sharp jaw. His ears and nose were pierced. lips were plump but red from being chewed. he was beautiful.

"im just tried," i rubbed my face with my hands "really fucking tried"

"ok," he nods understandably, "ill come sit with you"

"George no-

"No, u need company. i know how you feel. let me come sit with you"

"fine"

George walks back over to his seat and grabs his books and bag. his sleeves had been pulled up to his elbows and i watch as his muscles flex while picking up his stuff.

i look down at the ratty, drawn on converses on my feet and play with my rings. he sits next to me and continues doing his work.

we sit in comfortable silence for a while.

"hey George," he turns his head to look at me, an eyebrow raised "do you have any weed at the moment"

he chuckles, the mother fucker chuckles.

its warming though, it sends vibrations over me.

"why of course Cassi, always for you"

-

i am sat on George's bed looking around his space. at the end there is a green knitted throw rug and a bleach painted zip up hoodie. Above his headboard there is a poster for the muggle band Boy Genius and little polaroid pictures of George and his mates. His bedside table has a muggle radio and a picture frame of Fred, Lee and him. Multiple little plant pots are also in this space, some on the table and some on the floor. Surprisingly, they all seem healthy and happy. A book lays on the floor next to his bed, A Guide to Geodes and Crystals.

huh, Geodes is like George and Geo is way easier to say than George.

"hey George! whats your thoughts on a nickname" he enters the room with a wooden box

"a nickname? what like Georgie?" he asks

"no something better, Georgie is so over used
-no offence- i was thinking Geo"

George pauses for a minute, clearly thinking about it, "Geo, yea i like it"

"good"

he walks over to the bed and places the box down and sits next to me. George traces the engravings on the wood with his fingers. The wood has his name written in beautiful, ornate writing. Gives off very royal vibes.

George opens the latch on the box and my eyes land on the beloved contents.

"So what are you looking for?" he asks

"Literally anything"

"Here" George picks up one of the bags and gives it to me, "you should enjoy this"

I ask him if he wants any money for the bag but he declines and says it a friend's discount. I thank him greatly and as i'm starting to leave his dorm he says,
"Cass, please if you ever need someone to talk to i'm always here"

"thanks Geo," I smile at him, "i might need to take you up on that offer sometime"

I leave the Gryffindor common room, weed finally in my possession but i dont feel any better. I knew that this day was the day and nothing will be changing that.

I itch at my inner forearm and make my way back to my dorms.

⭐️
sorry this took so long to get out guys
anyway happy 2024!!
my new year's resolution is to write more

QOTD: whats your new years resolution??