It was juvenile; the way he looked at me, his eyes eating away at my face like I was an Alien, like I was one in 8 billion. But he wasn't perplexed he looked as if he knew exactly what my soul and mind looked like; creating new colors, sounds, and emotions only by looking at me.
And I'm terrified.
I'm scared that I will succumb and give in the the world and become just like every other human. Terrified that he and I will grow a family and I'll have to take care of another life when I can't even take care of mine
Terrified that I'll give in to the brainwash of this society.
I won't do it, I'll stay an individual I'll live my life the way I want. I'll do something big and important.
But now I'm being thrown violently out of my thoughts by a loud vigorous voice; he's walked over
"What are you thinking?" I don't think he really wants to know that due to kind consideration I don't want any part of him in my life, I will never say this aloud because I'm not rude, I've accepted that even though life has no meaning I should really still be nice to people cause emotions can hurt and dig and maul at your heart. "Absolutely nothing, my brain is empty." This is the most basic response I can give him at the moment. "Can I give you something to think about?" "What?" He's saying this with a giddy smile and I can't imagine what he's about to say next "LEGO people live in houses made of their own flesh." "..." god nothing could have prepared me for that, now he's just staring at me I don't know what to say but then I just burst out laughing
"Your laugh is pretty." It's the first time in a while someone has complemented me which is strange because my mind is beautiful "thank you" is all I reply but I'm smiling from ear to ear not with teeth just lips
This feeling inside my stomach is something I rarely feel I'm not stupid most people would describe it as "butterflies in your stomach" and use this term to talk about someone you love. I think I love him and I think I'm changing my mind about letting him be in my life
That's what's so great about the human race and society: existence; I thought that it was a giant circle, be born, talk, walk, grow up, love, reproduce, and die. But the fact is that's just not it it's a billion different things, I like to think of it as a kaleidoscope on the out side it's one big circle and when you get a little closer it's a million tiny shapes and colors
I think I have been willingly brain washed by him and I'm ok with it.
