Fireman Sam SAM&PENNY ONE-SHOTS

Hope

I still didn't feel good, even though it had been a few months since the misfortune that had befallen us. All this time I had to play in front of everyone, but most of all in front of Sam. He was the only one who knew right away that I was having a bad day, often before I even realized it myself. He joked that all he had to do was look at my face, but I wanted to believe that it was because he knew me so well. I had never been able to open up to anyone as much as I did to him, and I had to admit, albeit reluctantly, that only Sam could pull me out of even the greatest sadness. Although it wasn't easy for either of us, or even more so, pleasant. Although every moment spent with Sam, in his company, was always as magical to me as the first moment I met him, this time nothing was as simple as it used to be. We both had to face the truth of what had happened to us. However, sometimes I still couldn't look at myself in the mirror and not feel disgusted with myself. I felt bad at the thought that my body could break down so easily, and even talking to Sam couldn't help it, no matter how hard he tried to convince me that I wasn't to blame and that he still loved me, I stubbornly knew what was wrong. I noticed it in his eyes whenever we talked. Their color faded, from which I concluded that what had happened weighed on him too. Feeling his gaze on me, I wanted to cry again, just like on the first day, and every day since Helen told me what had happened and why. Although I didn't listen to the explanations anymore, I couldn't. For the first time I felt such pain, which crushed me to the ground and didn't even let me move. It took me a lot to show up during the visits to see how Sam was feeling, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him everything. He was still too weak for that after the accident. His burned forearm had only healed after several months. And in those days he still had a headache and limped. I couldn't add to his mental pain that I had to endure. When he started to recover, I panicked and, having already been discharged after a few days of observation, I hid in my grandmother's apartment and, with my father's consent, lived there for two weeks in complete isolation from the world. When I finally couldn't cry any more, I began to notice that the world was still the same and I began to miss what I knew. I felt ashamed at the thought of rejecting Sam in this way and completely failing to think about Reilynn and Griffin. I trusted that they were safe with Sam, but when I realized that I was only thinking about myself, I didn't hesitate for a moment longer and called Ellie. At that moment I thought it was the safest option, because Ellie called me several times a day anyway and I was hoping she wouldn't notice that something was wrong. However, I miscalculated and, having no other choice, I told her everything. When she arranged for me to come home, I knew it would end badly. I didn't expect things to turn out this way, though. Just looking Sam in the eye, when I had to hold myself back from hugging him and crying, took a lot of effort and self-control. When the pressure became too great, I ran away again. This time, much closer, only to the garden, but it was always some form of escape. I still remember telling myself at that moment that I had already talked about this with Helen and Ellie, so why couldn't I talk to Sam. After all, he was my husband and closest friend, he knew me better than I knew myself at times. At that moment, I had proof of that too, because I was right in believing that Sam wouldn't push and would wait until I was ready to tell him everything. Although this time, he chose a really strange method of bringing himself closer in time. I knew that I owed him an explanation and I was no longer interested in the game Ellie had invented. I just wanted to talk to him honestly, but when he reminded me about my hospital stay, everything came back and I had to find a place to cry in peace. And to think that my wristband had betrayed me? Now I was even starting to laugh at my own stupidity. Through it all, I had completely failed to notice that I was dressed as if I had come from outside, but I had an handband on my arm, which clearly said that I was a patient.

I could only be grateful that Sam had not rejected me and that my greatest fears had turned out to be unfounded in the end. I would never be able to forgive myself if I had lost him because of my fear. That would have broken me in the end, I was sure of that. However, Sam was not indifferent either, and there were days when he needed my support. However, it only brought us closer together, when we tried to do everything to be there for each other always, of course when Reilynn and Griffin were busy with something. I didn't want the kids to see how miserable I was, that was the reason I withdrew, but as soon as I saw them the first day after such a separation, I couldn't help myself and hugged them so tightly that they themselves begged me to let them go. But being in their company did its job, reminding me that I still have two wonderful children, and a better life than with them and Sam by my side, I couldn't have dreamed of even in my most fairytale dreams.