I used to know this guy.
I don't exactly know what we were to each other, I mean we were friends, but we could talk about deep stuff as well.
Just never in school.
And I think I paid a little too much attention when he talked.
I think he got creeped out. I would just say those things at times, and then he'd be shocked, and then I'd say, you've already told me.
Or sometimes, I'd just figure out how he thinks and know how he was feeling. So, I'd be blunt, and he'd be creeped out.
I always pay attention when people talk, we all need someone to listen.
I always found him intriguing. He was the kid with okay grades, always getting into trouble, always causing chaos in the class.
Now, almost a year later, he's one of the kids with amazing grades, he somehow always gets good marks, and understands everything, even though he is always distracted in class.
As much as I don't have any particular right to say this. I'm proud of him.
Even though I don't like it sometimes.
We don't talk anymore, we're not friends anymore.
Actually, one of the first things I found out about him, was that he didn't have "friends". He didn't know what "friends" were. He had people he liked, but he just didn't know what "friends" are. When he had told me this, I'd felt calm, found. Like hey, I know exactly how you feel.
So yeah, I never thought that we were great "friends", even though many people I feel okay calling friends told me so, like a thousand times.
I knew we were something, he was one of the only people I knew who was just as passionate about me as literature. He was someone I was okay with.
Does that make sense?
Now,
We don't talk.
He used to come up to me, to talk to me
Now, we don't even look at each other.
I'll sometimes look at him when he isn't, not cause I have a crush on him, or cause I want to date him. I've never wanted that, but because I want to be "friends" with him again.
But I know I can't.
Every time I've caught his eye, he just looks sad, as if he has to not show me his emotion.
He stops smiling when I see him.
A few days ago, I saw him doing something, it was funny, I was laughing. I caught his eye 3 times. He just looked at me. Not a single smile. Just looked at me as if he couldn't even see me.
As if I've done something.
And I'm also pretty sure that, that isn't it, and it's just me getting so engrossed in something I shouldn't and making it worse for myself.
But he doesn't laugh with me anymore,
I've seen him laugh at me as in I made a joke or something or my friends were just teasing me (not bullying). Before it was okay, cause he used to laugh with me as well. Now it just hurts.
Long story short, we used to talk about people we love, about books, about our relatives who have passed away, whether we believe in gods or not, about things that we couldn't talk to others about. Now we don't.
This was a friendship I did not want to lose.
I want to talk to someone about this.
But I know I can't.
Because I am a girl, and he is a boy.
And a girl and a boy can never be friends, having a deep bond, according to this world.
I've tried talking to one of my classmates. She just said, "Ooooooh, you so like him."
Truth be told, I've never even had a crush on someone.
My "friends" just call me boring.
