In Another Life: Book Two - Taming the Beast

Chapter Thirteen: Where Do I Belong?

The Swan House - February 9th

Charlie was making coffee for Angela, which was a new thing that made him both unbelievably happy and a touch jealous. He hadn't expressed his own wishes to have some of his humanity back. To feel again, to eat pizza and drink a beer without it tasting like ash. To be able to grow his mustache back! He chuckled in spite of himself at the thought, until he heard something soft whimpering in pain.

It took a few minutes of searching, but eventually he realized it was coming from the shower upstairs in Esme's room. He didn't hesitate, even though he wasn't sure if he was the right person to help, rushing rushing upstairs without thinking it through. He paused at the door to her room to give it a firm but tentative knock. When there was no answer, he opened the door and quickly moved towards the bathroom. The door was wide open, but all he could make out was someone sitting on the floor of the shower, a black sleeve soaked through. He took a deep breath and pushed forward, finding Esme with her knees pulled up against her chest and her head buried against them. Her arms hugging her shins, and her shoulders shaking with unbridled sobs.

This time he hesitated, not entirely sure what was the right thing to do. A few seconds later he opened the shower door and sat down beside her. It took her several minutes to finally react, when she did and realized who was there she took a few calming breaths.

"This is the only way I can cry." She said, raising her head to face him, as rivulets of water ran down her cheeks and chin.

"Maybe not for long." Charlie said with a soft snort of air through his nose. "I was just thinking about what I want from all of this just a few minutes ago. It's all so sudden and new. For most of my life, Angel and I have been wrapped in survival and revenge."

"I haven't even considered revenge yet, actually come to think about it, how are you even living a normal life?" Esme said, considering what she knew about Victoria.

Charlie shrugged in frustration, "we searched for decades with no luck, we got close a couple of times but that woman is extremely slippery. Then we found Zoey, who became a balm for our souls. I can't tell you how much she helped, in so many ways that I cannot even describe. But having Isabella, Eliza, Brianna... my god. Esme, I cannot even begin to understand the pain you are feeling right now. The closest I've been to it was when Renee left me and I lost Bella."

"Then you've felt it. Maybe more than me. I'm not upset because of what I lost, I'm mourning a love that maybe never existed." Esme's voice was broken, pained. Her face was full of conflicting and impossibly heavy emotions.

Charlie just held out a hand. She looked down at the offer of contact and slowly moved her arm finally taking his hand and lacing her fingers through his. His grip was strong, and for a moment she felt safe. She looked at him then, maybe for the first time. Charlie Swan was nothing like she had always pictured him, sure vampirism had given him his youth back for the most part, but it was more than that. His eyes were deeply kind, but conveyed a compassion that she had only seen in Carlisle before. This man cared deeply, not really for himself but for everyone else around him. She knew this from his actions, but seeing him this close cemented that view.

"If it helps, I know Carlisle loved you. I remember talking about our wives once, I thought we were sharing a beer but he was just humoring me I think. It was one of the few times we interacted socially. Anyway, the way he talked about you was very much like how I imagined a real marriage should be. Not like the farce I had with Renee." Charlie shook his head a little, trying to push away the feelings of anger and betrayal that mentioning Renee still conjured.

"It isn't his love that I'm questioning. See, I've always felt love very strongly. Carlisle called it my gift. Yet, now in retrospect I wonder how much of my life has been built on gratitude and obligation rather than true affection." Esme had her eyes closed and her head pressed against the back of the shower, which brought her face out of the water stream.