What is it like to be DIFFERENT?
Is it a blessing, or a curse? Does it bring joy, or sorrow? Is it amazing, or does it make you remember the times when you were insecure about your own skin? Is it something to be disregarded, or is it your sirenic m...
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I stare back at my own image, scorning myself for my own lack of privilege. Privilege that I'm not unconventionally pretty. Privilege that makes me privy to not being guilty for being average in today's society.
I hold my folds together, wishing that I had a body like my best friend Heather. That I had her glowy skin, or her figure that's thin. She'd win every guy, despite my witty respites.
Slowly, my hands traveled through mismatched curves, counting every unwanted mole I'd observe. My uneven skin tone, and stretch marks that I'll never show. Skin against skin, feeling the molds of flesh woven to create what I see before me, and I hate it.
I hate 'me'.
Despite this body being mine, I never seemed to shine. I'd be the friend stuck to the side, the one left behind. I'd be the extra, that they would call up sometimes. My personality wasn't enough for them, and I'd always seem like a bum.
I say I'm fine, but where do I draw the line? I'd try everything, only for it to lose all meaning. I'd be left disappointed, while you laugh for your amusement. Do my flaws look silly, while I have to be picky about what I eat? Does my size make you giggle, while I keep being fickle to your every whim?
Would you understand, if you were me?
I touched my face, and traced the contours in which it bulged. I traced my eyes, that seem to speak lies. I traced my nose that only seems to grow. I traced my ears that seemed to disappear behind oily hair. Oh, I wish I were like Heather, that I wouldn't feel so under the weather.
Disgust coated my face, and I had to step away from the mirror to give myself some space. Tears trickled down, and I couldn't help but frown at my predicament. Nevertheless, as I glanced back at what I saw, I gathered courage to crack a smile, while my heartbeat raced a mile.
No matter if they don't care, or weren't there. I am my own person, and I can change. I become, for this is my life, and my body. It may take a while and I may lose my smile, but I know it will be worthwhile.
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