DOWNWARD SPIRAL- C.F

09

Today, I woke up like every year. On Belly's birthday, I was always in charge of decorations. Although I was still angry with my mom, I didn't have it in my heart to let my little sister down. So, I take the decorations I bought before we came out of my closet and take them downstairs. I blow up balloons and take out the silly beach decorations that I bought for this year. I thought it was fitting since both my sister and I found happiness on the beach.

Just as I was about to head upstairs to get ready, my mom came down. I don't even spare her a glance as I speed walk up the stairs. I wasn't so angry about the night of the bonfire but I was more tired of bottling up my feelings. I refused to keep any of the resentment I have had the last year since my parent's divorce affected me anymore.

As I got ready by doing my makeup and choosing an outfit, I couldn't help but keep checking my phone. Lo still hasn't called. That in itself brought my mood down completely. Could he have just been using me? Did he even want to see me again? Why? This was the one time I had let myself just sleep with someone and of course, it just blew up in my face. He probably doesn't even care about me.

I forced myself to shake the thoughts off and walk downstairs because Belly would be down any second. When I got to the kitchen, I looked around and saw the Mickey Mouse pancakes my mom always made for Belly. I couldn't stop myself from frowning at the pancakes because for some reason both my siblings had their own birthday traditions but I never had one. Not with my family anyways. My sister had her pancakes and my brother would get taken on a surf trip. What did I get? A birthday hug. Though my family didn't really give me any spotlight on my birthday, Conrad always did. Every year he'd take me to get muffins in the asscrack of dawn, take me on an early morning surf, and finally take me to eat dinner by the beach. These small gestures were what made me contemplate telling him how I really feel, it's best not to. I don't want to ruin everything. So I stay quiet. I have stayed quiet for 5 years now.

I was pulled away from my thoughts when everyone said happy birthday to Belly. Conrad seemed to notice me daydreaming because he pulled at my arm to grab my attention. When I turned my attention to him, he quietly whispered, "Are you okay?" I just slightly nodded my head even though that wasn't the real response.

My mom started to walk over to Belly with the pancakes in her hands. "The pancakes are ready honey," she said to Belly.

"I'm not really hungry," my little sister said.

My mom's face fell a bit at my sister's rejection. Just as my mom set the pancakes down, I snatched one off the top. She just looked at me with wide eyes clearly not wanting me to eat Belly's pancakes.

I just rolled my eyes and said," What? It's not like I got these for my birthday."

Everyone just stood there shocked at my response. To make the awkwardness go away I put my arm around Belly walking her toward the living room.

"Presents," I yelled, but then I whispered to my belly smiling, "We're finally the same age!"

"Only for a day," Belly said.

"Well, let's make this day count," I replied with a big smile.

Belly started off by opening a book my mom gave her. I recognized it immediately. It was the book that contained the poem that Susannah loved. Everyone else didn't catch on so quickly though. My mother then went on to explain," It's a first edition, I got it from a rare book dealer."

My sister seemed underwhelmed with the present but thanked our mother nonetheless. But when mom told her to turn to the bookmarked page, Belly's face lit up.

"It's the poem you taught us," she said happily looking up at Susannah.

We all recited the poem that Susannah made us all memorize when we were young. Then Belly opened Susannah's gift. A pearl necklace that Susannah's mother gave to her. After Belly thanked her, Susannah put the necklace around Belly's neck. Seeing them be so close brought a tinge of jealousy through me. I didn't understand why, but maybe it had to do with the fact that when Belly was born everyone sort of forgot about me. Maybe it was because she was the baby, but it still stung. Then Jere gave Belly a charm bracelet. It was something to help her pass the driving test. She smiled happily as she put it around her wrist. Steven and I both threw our gifts at her at the same time. We had both bought her a sweater for our dream college. We both refused to have her steal ours. Steven gave her a gray Princeton sweatshirt while I got her a white sweatshirt that says 'Brown'.

"You both spent money on me," she said with a big smile.

Steven answered for the both of us," We just didn't want you stealing our when we went in."

Our mother interjected," Sophie, I thought you didn't want to go to college."

I instantly got up annoyed," I said that when I was ten, god mom do you ever listen?" I walked out of the room hurt that in the four years I've been in high school she didn't once listen to me rant about going to Brown.