Date: 24th of july
Dear Diary,
I don't even know where to begin. Last night was a complete disaster, and I can't shake off this feeling of regret and guilt. I messed up, big time. My head is pounding, not just from the hangover, but from the weight of my own actions.
It all started at the karaoke bar. The energy was high, and the celebration was in full swing. I was having a great time with my teammates and friends, including Amelie and Natalie. But somewhere along the way, I got carried away, lost in the excitement and adrenaline of the moment.
I had a few too many drinks, and I know that's not an excuse, but it clouded my judgment. It made me careless, and I wasn't fully aware of the consequences of my actions.
When I saw that blond girl, I thought nothing of it. We were all just having fun, singing and laughing together. But then, in a moment of complete idiocy, we ended up singing a duet. "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction, of all songs.
As we sang, the crowd cheered, and I couldn't help but get caught up in the moment. But then it happened. I felt her lips on mine, and I froze. I pulled away immediately, my mind racing, trying to comprehend what had just happened.
I never intended to kiss her, Diary. It was a mistake, a moment of drunken confusion. But that doesn't excuse my behavior. I should have been more responsible, more aware of my actions. I should have stopped it before it even started.
But now, the damage is done. I hurt Amelie, and I can't even imagine how she must be feeling right now. She means so much to me, Diary, in a way that I can't even put into words. She's not just a fan or a friend; she's something special, something that has been a constant source of light and happiness in my life.
I've always admired Amelie for her genuine kindness, her passion, and her unwavering support. She's been there for me through thick and thin, and I can't believe I let her down like this.
She deserved so much better from me, Diary. She deserved someone who would cherish and respect her, someone who would never put her in a situation like this. And I let her down in the worst possible way.
I wish I could take it all back, erase that moment from existence. But I can't. All I can do now is face the consequences and try to make amends. But I'm terrified, Diary. I'm terrified that I've ruined everything, that I've lost the most special person in my life.
Amelie, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for my reckless behavior and for the pain I caused you. You deserve so much better than this, and I will do everything in my power to make it right.
I want to talk to her, to apologize and explain myself, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what she'll say, of how she'll react. I'm afraid that I've pushed her away for good.
But I can't let fear dictate my actions. I have to be honest with her, even if it means facing the consequences of my mistakes. I have to own up to what I did and show her that I'm truly sorry.
Amelie, you mean the world to me, and I promise that I will do everything I can to make this right. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I understand if you can't. You deserve happiness, with or without me in your life.
Date: 25th of July
Dear Diary,
The realization of my actions has hit me like a ton of bricks, and I can't escape the consequences of my mistakes. Amelie has blocked me on every platform, and I can't blame her. I hurt her, and she made the decision to cut off all contact with me. It's painful to accept, but I understand why she did it.
I tried reaching out to her, but my messages remain unanswered. I feel like a fool for even thinking that I could make it up to her. How can I mend something that I broke so deeply? My words feel inadequate, and I'm at a loss for what to do.
She's on her flight to Italy now, and the realization that I may never see her again is crushing. I had no idea how much she meant to me until now. It's like a part of me is missing, and I can't shake off this feeling of regret and sorrow.
I wish I could turn back time and undo my mistakes, but life doesn't work that way. All I can do now is learn from this and try to become a better person. I don't want to be the kind of person who hurts others thoughtlessly, especially someone as kind and genuine as Amelie.
But even if I change, it may be too late. She's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me, and I have to respect her decision. It hurts, but I need to let her go and allow her the space she needs.
I keep thinking about the special moments we shared, the laughter, and the connection we had. It's painful to think that it may all be lost forever. I wish I could tell her how I feel, how much she means to me, but I can't. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to hear from me.
I can't help but wonder if she's already moved on, if she's found someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. The thought of her with someone else makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I have no right to be possessive or jealous. I lost that right when I hurt her. I want to be happy for her, even if it's not with me. She deserves all the happiness in the world, and if that means I'm not a part of it, then so be it.
For now, I need to focus on myself and my own growth. I need to learn from my mistakes and become a better person. I don't want to hurt anyone else the way I hurt Amelie.
I'll cherish the memories we shared, the moments that made me feel alive and special. But I need to let go of the hope that we'll ever be more than friends. It's time to accept that I messed up and that she's moved on.
Maybe one day, if fate allows it, our paths will cross again. And if that day comes, I hope I'll be a better person, someone who can make her smile and feel cherished once again.
Until then, I'll carry the weight of my regrets and the lessons I've learned. And I'll wish her nothing but happiness, even if it's without me.
Yours sincerely, Ollie
A/N I know its a rather shorter chapter, but Imagine someone loves you that much that they're willing to write their entire heart into a silly little diary.
