forbidden || riara

06. honest conversations

"I don't even know myself why we were at that fucking party. Me being a pogue. Holy shit, Kie. I was wondering why Ward didn't drag me out right away."

Laughing, JJ threw himself into the sand, looking up at Kie, who took a long drag from her cigarette and looked down at him, grinning. "It's all a facade. What he won't do for his image. I swear he got so angry, when he saw you."

Dreamily, JJ looked up at the starry sky, the sea roaring in the background. "Yeah. He was pretty angry."

JJ and Kiara ran for a full ten minutes, still hearing the screams of Kie's parents and the yelling, as well as the threats of Ward and his slaves. For the two of them, however, the whole thing was more or less a game, in their drunken state they couldn't really think about the consequences yet.

Consequences that meant house arrest for Kiara and the renewed teachings from her mother that JJ is not good company and she should avoid him.

But who was ever good enough in her mother's eyes?

"You look so sexy."

Kie turned to JJ, looking down at him. "And you look drunk."

"If I could, I'd show the whole world how beautiful you are," JJ looked away from her. "Would tell everyone how special you are."

Kie giggled, continuing to smoke; as she watched him. "You're gonna regret this so much tomorrow, asshole."

"You think I'm kidding? I'm dead serious."

"You are?"

"Yeah. Yeah, i am."

"Then kiss me."

"Are you serious?" JJ's eyes widened, he braced himself on his elbows watching the girl smoke before she laughed up.

"Of course not, you fool."

"Right. Of course not.", disappointed, he dropped back into his old position, resting his head on his arm to continue staring up at the sky, which was full of twinkling stars.

"Don't be so depressed. Today was fun. You were fun.", Kiara threw the cigarette on the ground; before lying down next to JJ and hugging him like a big spoon. "With you, I forget everything else."

It was silent for a brief moment, all you could hear was the rush of waves and the light wind. And maybe JJ's heart, beating faster for some reason.

He swallowed, began gently stroking her head. "What am I letting you forget? Or who am I letting you forget."

Kie closed her eyes, tried to control her breathing. "You're making me forget things I should forget even without you by my side."

"And why don't you just forget them?"

"Because I don't want to forget them. That's the problem."

Again there was a silence, JJ stopped tracing her brown curls with his fingers, put his hand in the sand. "Even if it destroys you, Kie. Even if you just suffer from it?"

"Maybe I like suffering. I can't explain it any other way."

"Don't say that."

She said no more. Her heart felt even heavier than before the conversation. Because that's actually what she liked about JJ - she didn't have to think about much when she spent time with him. But now the moment felt intimate. She felt naked.

"I just want you to be okay. That's all. That's all I want and need to know, okay?" he glared at her, meanwhile she sat up, gazing emotionlessly into the ocean. "It's your mother, isn't it? She makes you sad."

Kiara looked to him, wondering; how he could get her so wrong.

"Yes. Yes, my mom. She's-" she shook her head, nodding finally. "She's a lot."

"Figured that."

"She wants to control everything. Me and my feelings, how I live, who I love, how I make my money. Fuck, she wants so much and all this pressure. It's like - like I'm her doll and she's molding me into something that she could never be. Like I'm her second chance. Her second chance at life."

   Kiara didn't even notice; how a tear ran down her face. "She's destroying everything I love and the worst JJ-" Suddenly she stopped, looking at him silently.

  "What, what's the worst?", puzzled by her sudden stop, he looked at her.

   "I want to go home. Take me home, JJ."

"But-"

   "No. I'm drunk, I'm full of shit. I want to go home.", shakily she tried to stand up. "I want to smoke."
 
"Fuck, okay— yeah. Let's get up first, okay?", quickly he jumped up and supported her, "I'll take you home."

"Forget what I said, JJ. It's nothing. She- she's not destroying anything. If anything, I destroy things," she ended up mumbling her sentence as she weakly climbed onto JJ's back so he could carry her home piggyback.

  "I wish you could see yourself out of my eyes. To me, you're-" he interrupted his sentence when he heard a soft snore and smiled slightly. "Sleep Kie. I take care of you. I will always do."