forbidden || riara

08. butterfly

Loving Kiara was never something he would regret. For Rafe, Kiara was the light in the darkness. His support in difficult times. Kiara was the only good thing Rafe had. What was for him. For no one else. Kiara was his and he was so proud of it.

No one was allowed to take her away from him, because Rafe loved Kiara like he had never loved anyone else. kiara was the only thing that kept him going at the time. and even though he knew she had a close relationship with sarah, in a way kiara was something that belonged only to him. he knew that kiara would choose him. if it came down to it - at least that's what rafe thought. people say that once you start loving someone more than yourself, you give up on yourself. rafe hadn't just given up on himself, he had destroyed himself.

But when Rafe saw her again on his doorstep in the middle of the night, he remembered their failed relationship together.

It was easy to love Kiara, but it was even harder to keep her. Because Kiara didn't want to be trapped. Kiara was like a butterfly.

After every beautiful moment between the two of them, there was a subsequent argument, which was loud and aggressive and ended with a crying Kiara and a perplexed Rafe. the relationship was complicated and always in danger of being exposed. he wasn't allowed to love kiara in public - that was the condition. he loved her in secret. only in private. he showed his soft side in front of her and she was ultimately the reason why he buried it.

Each time they talked past each other. As if they were speaking a different language.

Rafe never wanted to lose Kiara. But somehow he managed it after all. And he still hasn't been able to forgive himself for it.

"I- Kiara, I want you to-"

"what the fuck was so important that i had to show up here in the middle of the night?-"

"Someone knows."

Silence. Confused, Kiara looked at him, the moonlight falling over one side of her face, Rafe gripping the door handle a little harder as he eyed her seriously.

"Someone knows.", he repeated.

rafe watches silently as confusion spreads across kiara's face.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Who knows? How do you know? Rafe, I swear to you, if this is another one of your fucking attention-seeking attempts, I'll-"

"Someone knows, okay? Someone knows and it scares the fuck out of me," he ruffled his hair nervously.

it didn't take long for kiara's façade to fall. the façade she had put up in front of him since the break-up. slight panic spread through her brown eyes before she furrowed her brow. "Rafe, you promised me. You promised me that no one would ever know." She looked at Rafe, not once looking away.

"I know, Kiara."

"Then why the fuck does somebody know?" she was getting louder.

"Someone must have seen us once." That was his only explanation. The only one that made sense.

"so how the fuck can you stay so calm, you fucking ass? are you aware that your father can find out about this? what happens then, huh? and why the fuck are you bringing me here? it just confirms the fucking rumors. how can you be so fucking reckless? you know how much i suffered! you know how much my parents forbade me to speak to you again! if it gets out and people find out that-" she stops, she was close to tears. "-I can't be associated with you." it was quiet, the night was warm but kiara still felt cold. she ran her hands nervously over her arms. "we've already done enough shit to the others with this." she pointed to herself and rafe.

She wiped her tears away quickly, glaring at him. "This was all a mistake. We should have known. We — We should have just kept our hands off each other. To risk something like that for easy sex.", she shakes her head, laughs unbelievable. „And now - now look at us. We're fucked."

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Rafe remained silent for a brief moment. "That was it for you? Simple sex?", his voice broke.

Loving her was like loving a butterfly.

Kiara was the only thing that belonged to him.

Rafe loved Kiara more than he loved himself.

Kiara sniffled, continuing to wipe away her tears. "What was it for you? Your first great love? Rafe, who are you kidding? We were young and stupid. All we did and still do is hurt each other."

"Right." He nodded. "So I was just your fucking little wet secret."

Kiara swallowed, avoiding his eyes as she nervously played with her fingers. "What else?"

He knew that Kiara would choose him.

For Rafe, Kiara was his light in the darkness.

It was quiet outside, only the sound of the sea could be heard. But Rafe's thoughts were louder than any other sound. He got lost in them and ended up in a labyrinth. But none of the paths would lead to her.

"Yeah. It was just fucking sex. Just another body, right?." He nodded angrily, staring deep into her eyes. "Why make everything so complicated when I can get it another way," he wrinkled his nose. "Someone who doesn't fuck me off all the time."

Kiara's eyes moistened and she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "you act like you've never fucked anyone else besides me. I'm sure you had-"

"Watch what you say." Rafe's voice was low and quiet as he gazed intently into her eyes.

Kiara also looked at him for a long time before shaking her head slightly.

"I've never cheated on you. I'm not like that." He continued to look into her eyes. rafe knows that whatever they had was never just sex. He knew that Kiara saw it the same way— he also knew how stubborn the girl was. He was tired of the facade that Kiara put on in front of him. It made him angry because he knew other people could experience the other side of her now — the side Rafe fell in love with.

"Why should I trust you anymore? After everything that's happened." She sounded tired. Tired of the situation. Tired of Rafe.

Rafe would never.

"I fought for you, Kiara. I did. Don't put all the blame on me." he almost whispered, looking from one eye to the other.

"It wasn't enough. Your words weren't enough when your actions kept showing otherwise.", Kie whispered as well.

and there it was. the inner feelings. the two of them looked into each other's eyes so intensely that they forgot which argument they had started the conversation in. they only saw each other — as they always did.

but the moment was interrupted by the ringing of kiara's cell phone, to which she paid no attention to. rafe looked at kiara as she suddenly remembered what she was doing and then looked around frantically.

"I should go. Before someone sees us. This should have been our last conversation. If the rumors are going around, we're lying, I can't think of anything else.", she took a few steps backwards.

"Don't follow me. Don't argue with JJ and-" she paused. "Just let it go, Rafe. Okay? It's over. It was toxic and . . . it was never worth fighting for when the whole world is against it anyway."

Then she left.

Loving her was like loving a butterfly.