Testing The Waters

Chapter Forty-Nine

Gripping the steering wheel, I release a slow breath, fighting the nervous energy creeping up inside of me.

Come on, Babbie. You drove all this way. Get your ass out of the car.

I eye the sand dunes marking the path to the beach and groan. Why did I think it was a good idea?

Oh, that's right. I didn't.

Dr. Usilton created an entire list of things that she wants me to try—some jargon about facing fears and emotion healing. She thought this would be a good first step for me, but now I'm thinking I might just need to find a new therapist.

Kidding. Maybe.

Reaching over to the passenger seat, I grab the gray, New Orland Saint's ball cap and put it on, tucking in any flyaway hairs. This is the hat that Alex gave me the last time we were here, and somehow, wearing it brings me a conflicting mix of both comfort and grief.

I climb out of the car, stepping out into the parking lot of MurrMan's. It's off-season and early in the day, so hopefully it won't be an issue if I park here. Eyeing the sky, I don't see any seagulls close enough to cause me any concern, so I grab the blanket from the back of my jeep and start making my way towards the beach.

Reaching the sand, I bend down, slipping of my flip-flops and tuck them into the front pouch of my hoodie. It's early October, so the temperature is still slightly cool, but something about feeling the cold sand against my feet is soothing.

Finding a spot on the beach, I unfold my blanket, and lay it out. Taking a seat, I take in the roaring waves that seem much stronger today, but no less beautiful. Crossing my legs, I straighten my spine, pulling the salty air into my lungs, expanding them as full as possible before letting go.

This isn't so bad.

It's kind of peaceful here all by myself. I close my eyes, soaking in the sounds of the ocean. It's melodic and deeply soothing. I think back to the last time I was here with Alex, and a pinch of longing fills my chest.

What I wouldn't give to have him here with me.

A weird scratching-type of noise to my left breaks my train of thought, and I peek an eye open.

Eyes widening, I let out loud shriek and roll off the blanket, crawling a few feet away from the damn seagull that just took up residence on my freaking blanket.

It's just staring at me, its agile neck moving back and forth like an oddly shaped pendulum. I glare at it and make a shooing motion.

"Go on. Get!" I tell it, but the stupid bird holds its ground, not even flinching.

"I don't have any food," I say, watching as though it were some rabid beast about to attack at any moment, but the damn bird just nestles itself against the fleece material, tucking its feet in like it's ready to take an afternoon nap.

I huff and look around the vacant beach, not really sure what I'm looking for. I take a hesitant step towards the blanket which causes no amount of peril to the bird whatsoever. Very slowly, I bend down and grab the corner of the blanket. As soon as I have a firm grip, I quickly pull on it, catching a brief flapping of wings right before I run away screaming and dragging the blanket behind me.

I run, probably farther than necessary, before I stop and take a peek back. I breathe a sigh of relief when the seagull is nowhere to be found.

Placing a hand over my racing heart, I once again lay my blanket out over the sand and take a seat, grumbling at how ridiculous my life is sometimes. I seriously can't make this shit up.

Crossing my legs, I close my eyes.

Taking another deep breath, I pull air all the way in before releasing it, feeling my heart return to a steady pace. I've just made it to breath number two when the scratching noise returns.