I had a serious case of déjà vu as I laid on the cold floor of my cell. The only difference between this and the H.Y.D.R.A. base all those years ago was that I didn't have Pietro and Wanda lying next to me, keeping me warm. I shivered, feeling completely alone, the cold penetrating and sending goosebumps up my spine. I couldn't believe where I was, what had gone on. It seemed just days ago I'd been laughing with the Avengers, maintaining a streak of peace, only having to wonder about Wanda and Pietro from time to time. Guilt settled in again. Maybe if I had just been more concerned, maybe if I had wanted to rescue them more.... I could've stopped this. Pepper was the first person to die that I really recognized, knew... even really cared about. It sent my chest into a wild array of guilt and pain just thinking about the pain I'd caused Tony, the pain I'd caused everyone. I needed to repent somehow, pay my dues. Stopping Wanda... It was the only way to avenge myself.
I curled up into a ball, wanting desperately to sleep, but it didn't come now. A hot tear slid down my cheek painfully. I wanted to sob and wail and just stop, not have to do anything. The silence felt like torture. Tony probably hated me. This was all my fault. How was I going to avenge all of this? How could I possibly defeat someone who was so powerful, and in such a little amount of time? This was all impossible.
When sleep finally came, it wasn't the least bit comforting. I would always awake suddenly with a terrible nightmare. The latest ones have included Wanda trying to kill me back in the H.Y.D.R.A. cell, and the twins shoving me out of the plane and my parachute being broken, and some graphic war scenes where every dies.... And somehow, it always ends up being my fault. It was a neverending cycle of torture. Finally, I gave up and just sat in my prison, shuddering and freezing to death. I pulled my legs closer to my chest and was suddenly grateful they had left my mandatory S.H.I.E.L.D. -prescribed uniform on underneath my hospital gun, despite the fact that it no longer had guns in the holsters or the knife in my left boot. Or even the syringe full of strychnine that from time to time I liked to have handy in a protective container in one of my many pants pockets. Sadly, I was deprived of any of my very homely ways to kill people, and I felt quite defenseless.
"I think Tony finally fell asleep," Pietro broke the silence of the cell with a careful, low voice. I gasped loudly, falling backward. Embarrassing. I didn't know he was awake, and it startled me.
"You scared me to death," I said, my heart still pounding as I got back up, slightly embarrassed. "How in the world did you know I was awake?"
"You kept crying," Pietro noticeably shrugged, "I could hear the sniffling and the choked sobs. I mean from time to time, you were asleep, but most of the time all I heard was you bawling-"
"I was barely crying at all," I harumphed, "And it wasn't even loud."
"Okay, so maybe I didn't actually hear you crying," Pietro smiled, "But at least I made you to admit you were."
"Shut up," I mumbled, blushing slightly. "You suck."
"What?" He seemed confused.
"It's an expression," I sighed, "It means I hate you."
"I know, I'm truly sorry-"
"I didn't mean it like that," I cut in, forgetting he still wasn't fantastic at English, or mostly their expressions. "But you should be. You've cost a lot of people their lives, including Pepper." Her name made me feel even more ashamed of myself. "I may not have loved her the way Tony did, but I still loved her."
There was a long silence, and I could tell Pietro didn't know what to say. He looked at the ground uncomfortably.
"We were good friends," I said wistfully, "Good enough at least. I should've spent more time with her." I felt my throat twist up and I didn't want to say anything else.
"I am..." He bit his lip, trying to avoid my gaze. "Gah, I am so sorry," His manliness melted away as he looked at the floor and buried his head in his hands, probably in tears. I felt sympathetic. "You have no idea.... I regret it all. Everything. I've done so much wrong. Even if we do stop Wanda..." He shook his head violently, and he choked on his words, "Nobody will be able to forgive me. I can't...." He flopped onto the floor, "Я так глупо!"
His use of Russian made the memories of him even fresher in my mind. "I can agree it was stupid," I said in a hushed voice. "You shouldn't have been so willing to follow her. She hurt a lot of people- and so did you. But people can learn to forgive, and they will eventually. You just have to prove yourself... and avenge yourself."
"Spoken like a true Avenger," Pietro's depressed expression was momentarily halted as he gave a faulty smile, but it quickly changed back to frustration.
"Hey, what can I say?" I smiled a little, but I felt fake. What a hypocrite. How can I even stand to say these things when I was the cause of all of this?
Sorry.... Filler chapter. I'm going camping and I had to pack today. I'll try to make it up to you tomorrow :(
Vote and comment your current ship with Steve because IDK WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE
~ Emily <3
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FanfictionI'd been lying in my own blood for hours. Of course, I couldn't be sure it was mine, I was surrounded by the corpses of at least a hundred people who weren't as lucky as me. I felt anger well up in my chest as I felt my shoulder throb in pain. I did...
