All The Good Things

Chapter 11 - "You're still here."

Ash stood completely still as she watched Zach walk away. She was so confused. She felt like she had just experienced three very different versions of Zach in the span of a few minutes and somehow he was the one walking away like he was offended. But about what? What was it that she said or done that had caused the sudden change in him?

She could feel a haze of confusion starting to settle over her brain and she forced her feet to move. She needed time to think and she needed quiet. She hated being confused.

She hated it even more than pain. Pain was simple. It made her decisions clear. But being confused felt like trying to grasp an electric eel. Even when you managed to get a good hold on its slippery body, it shocked you.

She hurried back to her dorm and once inside her room she went to the corner and sat. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and buried her head in her arms. Then began the slow process of going over every single minute detail of her interaction with Zach.

With anyone else, this would be a much easier process. Generally, Ash was able to quickly find the tell or expression that had caused her confusion and once she was able to reassess it, she could clear up her confusion.

But Zach was a different breed. Her brain slaved over remembering and analyzing his face. Only twice he had given her the gift of a clear emotion. The first time had come when she had shifted to teasing him. She had surprised him and it had shown but it had only been surprise. Nothing more.

The second time had been when she had shifted the conversation to a friendly tone after he had outplayed her in flirting. She had been trying to bypass all his walls and get to the more familiar ground she had thought they had landed on after the kidnapping.

But that had only made him want to leave. A million questions swirled in her mind as she tried to decipher the meaning behind his looks and actions.

Ash kept her head buried determined to not move until she had solved the riddle and eventually, she fell asleep.

When she woke a few hours later, she had the last look Zach had given her and one word stuck in her brain: guilt.

The word felt abstract until she paired it with the way Zach had looked and she began to slowly understand.

She could see Zach with his furrowed brows, hunched shoulders, and knotted hands. These were all signs of someone who felt guilty. But that was only half the puzzle. She now understood what had made Zach run, but why?

She took a step back in their conversation and found her wave. She imitated the movement and her eyes were drawn to the white bandages.

Ash turned her hands over and examined the bandages. They looked worn and needed to be changed. That would be painful. She continued to stare at the bandages, wondering if they were the cause for Zach's guilt.

Did he feel responsible for Ash getting hurt? It was a laughable idea to her. A few damaged hands were nothing when she thought of the amount of times he had literally saved her life in the span of twelve hours.

But that was her perspective. She had to put herself in Zach's shoes. It felt like an impossible task when she still barely knew anything about him so she focused on the facts. Going back to the night before they had been kidnapped and walking through the events that followed she began to understand.

She could only see how he had saved her, but she had a feeling he didn't count all the life-saving when he was the reason she had needed to be saved in the first place.

If she hadn't been with him she never would have been kidnapped.

But she wondered if that also meant the kidnapping would have turned out differently for Zach. Would he have been better off without her? Would his escape have been easier without having to drag her along? Or would he have ended up with a bullet in his brain?