"Shuga Daddy"

We are who we are (cont)

As I lay on the couch, trying to shake off the surreal feeling that gripped me, the doorbell rang.

Startled, I looked up to see Phillip, standing there with a concerned expression. He has been a stabilizing presence in my life and always seems to show up when everything is going wrong.

My pillar of strength during difficult times. This time was no different.

"Hey love, I heard about what happened. I thought I'd come to pick you up and take you away for a while,"

I blinked, still trying to process everything. "Where would you take me?" I asked, my voice sounding distant and uncertain.

"To Italy," he replied with a warm smile.

"I know it's unexpected, but I thought a change of scenery might do you good. Let's go somewhere magical and create beautiful memories together."

Despite the lingering doubts, I found myself nodding in agreement. An escape from the suffocating reality was what I needed. With Phillip's charming charisma and his willingness to spoil me, I couldn't resist the allure of an Italian adventure.

"Umm Phillip now is not the time. Could you please go Hailey doesn't need you right now her boyfriend was murdered and you want to take her on some fancy vacation?"

"Jada stop he's just trying to be nice in light of everything "

"Hailey ya listen yuhself? Bredda Andre fucking dead and you really a consider fi lef ? Now when friends and family should stick together?"

"Jada please stop I don't need this right now, I'm gonna go"

"Yuh know wah? GWAN! You nuh know this man from nowhere but you see your problem? YOUR FRONT CYAA REST!"
"For all I know he could be a suspect in Dre's death"

"Ex-cuse Me?" Replied Phillip

"You're excused Phillip!"

"You know what Jada I don't need this right now! Fuck you."

"I'm out of fucks Hailey. Come nyam mi!"

"Hailey let's just go you don't need to pack, I have already sorted out everything you will need for the time you're gone. You have yourself a wonderful evening Jada."

He walks off and I followed behind him, I look back to see Jada still standing in the door way, she hisses her teeth and slams the door.

**********************************************

In the days that followed, Phillip wined and dined me lavishly, showering me with attention and care. He whisked me away to charming Italian cities, and each day felt like a dream. As we explored the romantic landscapes, I allowed myself to get lost in the enchanting atmosphere, trying to forget the sorrow that lingered in my heart.

Yet, amidst the dreamlike surroundings, a small voice of doubt whispered in my mind. Jada had voiced her disapproval of this spontaneous getaway with a man I barely knew. She worried that I might be running

away from my grief rather than facing it. Her concerns resonated within me, but I chose to suppress them, unwilling to shatter the illusion of the perfect escape.

In the evenings, as we dined under the moonlit skies, I found myself captivated by Phillip's words and gestures. He spoke of his dreams, of a future filled with love and adventure. The way he looked at me made me wonder if perhaps he was my true love, the one who could heal my broken heart.

As the days turned into weeks, reality seemed to fade further away. I let myself believe that this Italian escape was a fairytale, where nothing could go wrong. It was easy to get swept away in the romance of it all, and for a moment, the grief that weighed heavily on me felt lighter.

In the magical backdrop of Italy, I questioned my own feelings, wondering if this whirlwind romance was the answer to my pain. But beneath the veneer of splendor, doubts remained, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was merely escaping, not truly healing. The uncertainty grew like a shadow, following me wherever I went, reminding me that even in the most enchanting of moments, reality could never be fully evaded.

As the days unfolded, Phillip took me to various restaurants that seemed straight out of a food lover's dream. We indulged in sumptuous pasta dishes in Florence, savory risottos in Milan, and delectable seafood along the Amalfi Coast. Each meal felt like a celebration of life, a temporary reprieve from the shadows that loomed over my heart.

We strolled through the cobbled streets of Venice, hand in hand, as gondolas glided gracefully along the canals. The city's ethereal beauty mesmerized me, but no matter how enchanting the surroundings, I couldn't shake the sadness that lingered within. The tragedy of losing Andre was a wound that wouldn't heal quickly, no matter how picturesque the destination.

Amidst the breathtaking landscapes of Tuscany, I found myself lost in thoughts, gazing out at the sprawling vineyards and ancient olive groves. The serenity of the countryside offered a brief respite from the turmoil within, but who would've thought a little girl from Jamaica would be all the way in another country that most would dream of even seeing.

We visited the historic Colosseum in Rome, and I couldn't help but marvel at the grandeur of the ancient amphitheater. The magnitude of history it held was humbling, and it made me contemplate the fleeting nature of life and love. Phillip's unwavering support offered me comfort, but I couldn't help but feel conflicted about finding solace in his arms while my heart still ached for Andre.

In the picturesque town of Positano, we basked in the golden rays of the setting sun, the sea breeze caressing our faces. I felt grateful for the release this trip provided, the temporary escape from the sorrow that threatened to consume me. But with every stunning sunset, the image of Andre's face flashed before me, and I was reminded of the void he left behind.

I had not forgotten about Andre amidst this dreamlike Italian escapade. The tragedy of his death was a painful reality I couldn't erase. I found myself talking to Phillip about him, sharing the stories of our complicated past, and Phillip listened with understanding. He did his best to console me, but there were moments when I withdrew into myself, the weight of grief bearing heavily upon my heart.

In the quiet moments that followed, I found myself cherishing the memories of Andre, both the joyous and the painful ones. I understood that grief wasn't something to be rushed, and the tragic incident would forever shape my life. Yet, I was grateful for the opportunity to explore Italy, to experience moments of beauty and happiness even amidst the sorrow.

The journey to finding closure and healing was far from over, and the memories would always hold a place in my heart. As I sat in our hotel room, looking out at the world beyond, I understood that life was an intricate tapestry of joy and sorrow, and we couldn't escape the impact that others had on our souls.

"We are who we are," I whispered to myself, realizing that the complexities of life and love were never meant to be neatly wrapped in fairytales. I would continue to navigate the stormy seas of grief and self-discovery, knowing that every moment, whether painful or magical, had the power to shape my journey.

And so, I will carry both the memory of Andre and the experience of Italy in my heart, forever changed by the profound impact of both. As I embraced the journey ahead, I knew that in time, I would learn to heal and find solace in the cherished memories of the past. For now, I allowed myself to acknowledge the surreal nature of life, the unpredictable path we must walk, and the power of love, both lost and found, to shape our souls.