I woke up. Got out of bed. Went in the shower, that also is a tub. Sat in the tub. Covered the drain with a plug. Turned the handle to turn on the water. Stared at the water as it filled up. It's hot. I started to feel dizzy.
It's fine I thought. My parents can afford the water bill.
I turned the handle off. I sat there closed my eyes. Thought about a nice and bright future.
I sighed.
"Stuff still doesn't make sense."
I laid on my back. I tried to think about something to stress me out. School! Grades! Death! Life! Something! But I can't feel those things anymore. I have everything I could've ever wanted.
"Thank you God for my blessings." I said.
"I'm just not used to this though. Life feels so strange nowadays."
I reached out of the sliding shower doors grabbed my phone. Put on a study lofi playlist. Turned off the water. Grabbed the drain plug and watched the water leave the tub. Followed the little tornado with my eyes.
I walked out of the shower. Checked the mirror. Made sure my waist still looked small enough.
Why do I care again if I'm skinny?
Don't know just want to be.
Grabbed the towel. Went to my room. Picked out a cute outfit that would feel feminine. Put it on.
The lofi music still playing by the way.
