time of our lives.

im tried

y/n pov
I hate setting up for parties so i left up the stairs to my room as chishyia is making calls and planing the whole night. As i sit in my room changing into a bathing suit thinking about how skinny and underweight i am. "i let them down.."i say as i place the blade to my wrist cutting deep. "fuck..." sobbing thinking of how i'm not even wanted at my own house i've been in and out of the hospitals and they don't help i'm still the same old broken person i was years ago. i just can't stand myself. just looking at myself in the mirror makes me wanna throw up. i start crying harder as chishyia walks in seeing me a mess wrist bleeding with the rasor in my other hand. he runs over to me holding me." yn it's okay ur fine" crying harder into his chest i stammer to say "i-i'm so sorry i didn't mean it. i can't help it shyia i just can't please don't leave me i'm sorry" holding in to him tightly as he hold me closer reassuring me that he'll never leave no matter how hard things get he will always be here. those words sound unreal. up until now no ever said anything like that to me. i'm safe, comfortable,i'm loved. i lay there after i stop crying " are you okay now?" shyia ask me i look up at him and smile "yeah.." i whisper." ready to get shit faced?" i ask, "hell yeah" he says kissing me the door bell rings and we get up and go down to see all of shyia friends. i've never met any of them. so i thought . "hi i'm yn" i say looking at the 3 girls. one had sun glasses and a bob with a white button up and black shorts, the other short girl with the bob looks outta place but she seemed sweet, the other girl was really pretty i wished i looked as pretty as her. she had a blue bikini top on with blue jeans. There were 3 other guys and they looked normal. "how rude of y'all" the girl with the blue jeans on said " y'all this is chishyia's girlfriend..meaning she taken niragi." she looks over to the man with a tongue piercing. "whatever i'm just here for the drinks. he snaps back. with an eye roll chishyia starts to introduce them to me " this is kuian,ann,usiga,aruis,aguni,and niragi." he say's inviting them in "nice to meet you all." i say as i make my way to the back yard so we can party." y'all ready to get fucked up?!" chishyia ask everyone screams and we start drinking and smoking. after 2 hours i go into the house and into my bedroom i pull out some op (opioids) and crush them up and taking a card gliding it across the tray making a line and sorting it sniffling wipe  my nose as i hear the door open. it's kuian the pretty girl from earlier. "chishyia is looking for you,i'm sorry did i interrupt something." she ask "no not at all.." i wipe away the rest of my drugs off onto the floor and putting my book back on the shelf "um im sorry.."i say breaking. fuck not now yn don't cry to a stranger. the hot salty tears on my cheeks come into view "hey are you okay?" kauina ask "yeah i'm fine it's just.." don't yn don't do it."i-im.." no don't fuck. i feel arms around my waist and im embraced into her arms. a hug..i hug back" it's okay yn..let it out" she says to me as i cry harder "it's just im so tried of everything i just wanna leave this world to never come back.." i sob harder she's so pretty and nice i just don't know what to do she but my problems and feeling into consideration when no one else would."you are strong yn and i believe in you and you will get through this. there are people in this world who care about you. i care about you" she says,thoses words felt unreal at first. "care about you.." i cry harder holding onto her tighter." it's okay if you relapsed it takes time i know i've struggled with that before and it's okay yn. im proud of you." she hold me as i slowly stop crying she wipes my tears. "let's go back outside" she drags my arm as we go down stairs and we start to party again. ass shaking. jumping in the pool drunk and running around what i needed in my life. this is the time of our lives.say fuck it and have fun.
word count 799