daddy jaehyun II Jaehyun Jung

ii.xix.

Since that thought got into your head, he didn't let you go. You couldn't think about it for a second. It was like a curse that just didn't let you go. And again and again, the question arose: Can it be that you were pregnant again?

A shiver ran down your spine and you just couldn't think normally. Jaehyun realized that you were absent. But you have pushed it to your cold and your tiredness. You wanted to do a pregnancy test, but in the village where you live, there was no drugstore or pharmacy. It drove you crazy and you often lay awake all night. You live in a small hotel in Lapland. Quiet and simple. Miga and Sunoh were always in bed with you and you thought the time was beautiful but you were worried too. You read that there were many risks of getting pregnant too early after birth. For example, there have been extensive studies that said that for such women the risk of premature birth is much higher. But you also read that you become rare pregnant while breastfeeding. But there are also Irish twins since the mothers have become pregnant immediately. And then it came in your mind, if you were really pregnant, then Sunoh and the new baby would be Irish twins. They would both be born within 12 months. The thought made you so uncomfortable that you immediately run into the bathroom and throw cold water into your face. You could hear your pulse in your ears because it was so high and you thought you couldn't breathe. Although you wish you another baby, that was too early. Way too early!
"Is everything okay?" You hear Jaehyun's soft voice and how he closes the door in the bathroom so he doesn't wake the children.
"Everything is fine. I just had a nightmare." You hate lying to your husband, but you didn't want to panic him. You didn't want to be panicked, by his panic. So you decide to lie and wait until you know the result.
"Can I do something for you?" He took you in his arms and you put your head on his chest. It felt so good to feel its warmth. You hear his heartbeat and it somehow calmed you down. His heart was so loud and strong. Maybe it would make your child, maybe it would be healthy if you're pregnant.
"You're perfect." You look up at him and put your arms over his shoulders. Jaehyun grinned and stroked your hair.
"But not as perfect as you." His voice was so balanced and his touch was so warm that you felt so safe at that moment. And so slowly your lips touched and merged into several slow kisses. Your hands dug into his hair and he grabbed you tightly by your hips. Your bodies pressed together and you smell his scent. But it was not his perfume, it was natural. Just like Jaehyun was, how he was born. God, you just love him so much.

On the last day in Lapland, you drive to the Santa Claus Village. On the way there, you stopped in the larger town and you quickly go to the pharmacy to get you a pregnancy test. Under the pretext that you get something against your cold, no one asked. You decide not to return to the hotel until the evening, but you became more and more impatient.
"Will I meet Santa then?" Miga asked and smiled. She was really excited and that was really cute. She had even chosen her most beautiful dress and she wanted to have her hair braided into two braids.
"Yes, my princess, this is where Santa lives." Jaehyun smiled and looked at his daughter. Her eyes grew big and she became even more excited.
When you arrived you had to dress Miga well. She always refused to put on her thick jacket. But it was minus 8 degrees (17 ° F) that day and you didn't want her to get sick. When she was finished dressing, you went first to the Christmas post office. There were a lot of cards there. Miga picked a postcard for her grandparents and wrote it with Jaehyun. While you also write postcards for your sisters.
And then it was time for Santa Claus. The waiting line was quite long, but it was the reason why you came here. You were predicted an average wait of one hour. But it was warm and just decided to wait that long. Miga got a bit impatient, but she acted well, knowing that Santa was nearby. Sunoh slept in the stroller, Miga danced in front of you and Jaehyun hugged you while you waited. It was funny because somehow he realized that you were tense, but he didn't say anything. He was very calm. But you couldn't stand the tension anymore. You finally wanted to know it.
"Jaehyun, I'll go to the bathroom quickly." You just couldn't wait. You had to know the result. Now. That's why you firmly clasp your bag and you're going to the bathroom. You've peed on such test strips so many times, but never have you been as nervous as you are now. As you wait for the result, your heart is pounding wildly. You sat in the cabin and wait like crazy on it. The test strip indicated several lines. It was like a bar slowly loading. When you saw the last stroke, you knew that the result had to come every second. And suddenly you didn't hear anything anymore. Everything was throbbing and you couldn't breathe for a moment. And here comes the last bar that should show the result soon. And it didn't take two seconds and there it stood. Pregnant. 1-2 weeks. You couldn't believe it. How was this possible? And at that moment, you suddenly feeling anything anymore. You weren't sure in the moment that you pass out. How could that be? It was too early. You almost lose your control when you hear a familiar child's voice.
"Mummy, are you here?" Your little daughter had come to the bathroom and you put the pregnancy test quickly in your jacket pocket and immediately leaves your cabin.
"My sweetheart, why are you here?" You pick up your daughter and give her a kiss.
"Daddy said I should check on you." She puts her head on your shoulder and you find it super cute. You breathe again deeply and go back to your husband and son.
"Hey, you found Mummy." Jaehyun gazed happily at you as you come to him. Miga giggled and Jaehyun stroked her head.
"How are you with your stomach?" After all, Jaehyun still thought that you were ill. When he asked that, you couldn't breathe for a moment. If only he knew what was really wrong with your stomach.
"Yes, everything fine." You try to smile and put your daughter down.
It wasn't then long before it was finally time for Santa Claus. Miga was very excited, but when she met him, she became shy. You take a picture, but when you asked her to talk to Santa, she got scared and cried. Jaehyun had to laugh. Now she had been waiting for Santa all the time and now she was scared.
When you were outside, Miga didn't stop crying. Jaehyun picked her up, but he kept laughing.
"Miga, you need not be afraid of Santa." She leaned on his chest and continued sobbing.
By now it's already dark and all the lights went on in the village. And not only Miga's eyes grow big, but Sunoh was also thrilled too. He looked intently at the colorful lights and it was the first time that you could see how excited he was. That's why you took him out of the stroller and carried him around a bit. Jaehyun and Miga meanwhile looked to the reindeer. The little girl was very excited. Then she started smiling again and her tears were dried.

Miga fell asleep on the way home. At the hotel, you were nursing Sunoh and then put him to sleep. Jaehyun answered a few more emails and you decide to sit down outside by the fire that Jaehyun had already prepared when you arrived at the hotel. You look into the flames and ask yourself how you should tell Jaehyun. You didn't even want to say it yourself, because then it was real. You were scared and you wanted to avoid it.
"Hey, are you okay?" Jaehyun came out to you and lifted the blanket so he could cuddle up to you. He put an arm around you and pushed you closer to him.
"Yes, yes, everything is all right." You stare into the void and watch the flame danced with the wind.
"Really? Because you're so absent all day. Or the last days. Y/N I know there is something that occupied your thoughts." It was clear that Jaehyun realized that something was wrong with you. You didn't know how to put it into words. But maybe you didn't have to. You reach into the jacket pocket and pull out the blue and white stick. It wasn't easy to tell it to him, but you decide to hand it to him anyway. Jaehyun knew immediately what it was, after all, it wasn't the first pregnancy test you ever did. He held the strip closer to the flame and tried to read the display.
"He is positive." Jaehyun stated and looked at you in surprise.
"Yes." You look at him with wide eyes, but don't expect much from your husband.
"I have so many questions ..." Jaehyun couldn't believe it. He was in shock pretty much.
"I've had such a weird feeling for a couple of days. I don't know, I've heard about my body sense and I knew something was different. My period should have come yesterday. I just had a quick thought about it since we didn't care so much with the contraceptive. And before I get crazy because of my mindset all the time, I thought I should just test it quickly, and yeah... " You look back at the flame because you weren't sure how to react. Both of you are silent and staring into the darkness. The cold didn't bother you, because you were kept warm. Jaehyun was speechless, but it didn't surprise you. So were you too but you decide to continue telling him more.
"I called my gynecologist and asked for an appointment. She didn't have time until after Christmas, but she wasn't so happy. She didn't think the pregnancy is going to be easy, neither for me nor for the child. I should decide if I want to continue to breastfeed Sunoh, because nursing and the pregnancy can weaken me a lot." You notice how tears collect in your eyelids. You love to breastfeed Sunoh, it's your own connection to your baby.
Jaehyun looked at you and realized how much you are fighting with your emotions. He knew that it didn't is easier for you, that you know, that he really didn't want to have children anymore.
Jaehyun kept looking at the pregnancy test. He couldn't believe it himself. He didn't know what to think anymore.
"Well, such things always include two." He sighed and looked to you. You were surprised.
"Aren't you angry?" You honestly expected a very different reaction. Jaehyun put his arm around you and gave you a gentle kiss.
"Why should I be angry? I was the one who wasn't in control." He smiled slightly and you follow him. It felt a stone from your heart.
"But I'm worried about you." He sighed and pushed you even closer to you.
"I'll have to look after everything a bit more, but it should work. I'm not the first woman that get pregnant soon after giving birth." Jaehyun nods and you realize how calm you got.
"But this is our last baby okay? You want four, I want two. I think three is a good middle." You nod and you close this promise with a long kiss.