The Movement of the Earth

Chapter 4: Fight

but i tell you, if i haven't learned it yet / you know i ain't gonna sit / i ain't gonna stay
Ani DiFranco, "Cradle and All"

4: Fight

A long silence followed my matter-of-fact pronouncement.

I stared vacantly out the windshield, watching the ocean crash into the sand, contemplating my own death. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, in spite of what Laurent had said. Maybe Victoria would snap my neck and it would be over in a flash.

Maybe it would be peaceful.

"Okay," Jacob finally said, his voice tight. "So the red-head is planning to kill you. Would you like to explain that now?"

"It's kind of a long story," I sighed. I suddenly felt very, very tired. It had been a long couple of days; I was cold and empty inside, completely hollowed out. All I wanted was to curl in a ball under the purple covers of my bed and not come out for a week.

"I have time," Jacob said. I glanced over at him. His face had turned a sickly yellow under his russet skin tone.

"Well," I said, not quite sure how to begin, "you remember when I got hurt last year?"

"Yeah. You fell through a window."

"Not exactly," I admitted. "I was being... hunted. By Victoria's mate, James. He caught me, and Edward-" the emptiness in my chest gave way to a sudden sharp burst of pain "-killed him. So now Victoria's planning to kill me, out of revenge." In spite of my emotions, my voice was surprisingly calm and steady. It almost sounded normal, as though I was simply relating some interesting bit of gossip I'd picked up in the school cafeteria, instead of explaining how I'd stumbled into the crossfire of a vampiric game of one-up-manship and vengeance.

My life was not turning out quite as I had expected.

I suddenly noticed, with some degree of alarm, that Jacob was shaking again. His very shape seemed to be blurring around the edges. "Jake?"

"Run, Bella," Edward's voice whispered urgently to me.

I ignored it.

The sickliness had disappeared from Jacob's face; his cheeks were mottled with red flushes, his eyes squeezed shut. "Yeah..." he gasped, panting for breath. "I... and you... but you're okay, right?"

"I'm fine," I said incredulously, watching as his skin visibly crawled. It was one of the strangest things I'd ever seen. "It's you I'm worried about."

Jacob shook his head in sharp little movements. "Don't worry. It's... it's okay," he mumbled, his chest heaving as he took several very deep breaths. A few moments later the shaking slowed. His eyes opened and he quickly looked down at his knees. "Uh... sorry."

"What was that?" I asked, fascinated.

"I was trying not to get too angry," he said. I had the distinct feeling that he was ashamed. I did not like the idea of Jacob being ashamed. "If I lose my temper... I turn into a wolf. And the more I turn into a wolf, the harder it is to keep my temper. It's kind of a vicious cycle."

"Oh. Did I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry." Stupid. Of course he wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of a vampire trying to kill someone he knew. "I'll be more careful."

Jacob's eyes snapped to mine, and I almost flinched away from the raw intensity of his expression. "No, Bells, you don't have to be careful- I would never- You know I wouldn't do anything to you, right?" He searched my face desperately. "I wouldn't. Not ever. You believe me, don't you?"

"Of course I believe you." Worry was snaking its way through my body; Jacob wanted me to believe him, but everything about his expression and tone told me he didn't believe himself. I ached to pull him into a reassuring hug, but I wasn't sure the bruising around my heart could take it if he pulled away from me again. "I know you wouldn't hurt me. You told me you wouldn't."