The Movement of the Earth

Chapter 9: Distance

a sad stained heart hanging on my sleeve / i'll still follow you
Tracy Bonham, "Something Beautiful"

Chapter 9: Distance

I spent Tuesday morning at Billy's. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy Emily's company - I did - but taking up space in her house every day felt like a major imposition. Besides, she had complete control of the kitchen there, and I was beginning to feel like cooking something myself. So I spent the morning crafting a spaghetti casserole out of what I could find in the cabinets, something that would freeze and defrost easily and not lose its taste. It wasn't rosemary chicken or strawberry cake, certainly, but it was something. I was doing something.

Then I tried to work on math homework, but that was a hopeless endeavor - the numbers swam in front of my eyes. After awhile, I shoved the textbook aside in disgust and instead spent an hour mentally rehearsing what I would say to Jacob. Crying in his room while he slept was nowhere near good enough. I had messed up way too badly for something as self-indulgent as an apology that only I could hear. He deserved to hear my regret in a more coherent form... and then, somehow, I was going to come up with a way to make our imprint mess survivable. There had to be something better than this.

My thoughts went round in circles for hours.

In the afternoon, at least, I had a legitimate, relatively engrossing distraction: a shift at Newton's Outfitters. Jared - having drawn the short straw, I assumed - was the one who acted as my bodyguard on the way to the store.

When he arrived at Billy's, I opened the door and glanced down. Jared was wearing light blue tuxedo pants. "Lost the last pair, huh?"

"I feel like a total idiot," he grumbled.

My shift was short - only two to six - but it still provided an occupation for my troubled mind. I'd never been so grateful to stock canteens or give advice on sleeping bags. A few customers who came in gossiped amongst themselves about the missing hikers, and the animals that still hadn't been caught; I had to duck behind a display of canoe oars until the nervous blush faded from my cheeks.

Mike arrived an hour before the end of my day, and we chatted lightly about how our spring breaks were going. He was apparently already halfway through some new "hack-n-slash" on his Playstation, which seemed to be a major accomplishment, considering the way one of the teenagers who overheard whistled appreciatively and asked how to get past the boss at the end of the "moonglow." Their bubbling enthusiasm made me wonder if I was missing out on something by not having a gaming console. It almost sounded fun.

Around six I was crouched behind the check out counter, trying to figure out where I'd put one of the eighty or so box cutters, when a tap on the paneling made me look up. Jacob grinned down at me from an impossible height. "Lost a contact lens?"

"Ha ha," I said, straightening. My back gave an uncomfortable crack as I did. "You're my pick up, then?" I asked, trying not to study him too closely. If he was still upset about the night before, he didn't show it. In fact, he looked like he was in a relatively good mood.

"Yep. Ready to go?"

I nodded. "Just let me change out of my uniform and get my time card filled out, and I'll be good."

I took off my apron in the tiny back office and tried to prepare myself. A good apology. Nothing I'd come up with in my head so far had sounded quite right, so I'd need to wing it and hope for the best. At least Jacob didn't seem to be too angry at me... though in some ways, that made me feel more guilty. I would almost feel better if he raked me across the coals, the way I deserved.

As I awkwardly shrugged on Emily's hoodie, Mike opened the door and squeezed in, rifling through the tall shelves of papers. "Have you seen the price tags for the new tents?"