Mr Van der Linde | Dutch x Reader

Year III - Term III.2

Summary: You deal with the consequences of your actions.

Chapter word count: 9,037

A/N: This is it, angels! The last chapter of the Mr Van der Linde mini-fic. This has been an absolute joy to write, thank you for allowing me to indulge in my fantasy. Thank you endlessly for your support and hype <3

I've actually recently finished a Ghost (CoD) x reader fic that I'm gonna start uploading very soon, if its anyone's cup of tea!

You'd blocked Dutch's number. It was the only thing left to do.

It was the first action you took upon getting on that train. You knew that if you heard his voice or read a single word from him, you'd cave.

The level of agony you felt was like nothing you'd ever experienced. Your heart was broken, so much so that you were surprised the thing was still able to beat. All of a sudden, two of the most important people in your life were strangers. The man you loved, and your best friend.

God, you missed them.

You missed John's laugh down the phone, or the way his eyes grew heavy after he'd had one too many drinks. You missed the way he'd snuggle into you while hungover or come and see you just so you could sit in a comfortable silence together. He was about to become a father, and there you went piling more stress onto his already heavy load.

It didn't bear thinking about how much you missed Dutch. It was too painful to even list the things you loved the most about him, that you knew you'd never get to experience again.

It was a miracle that your other friends were still speaking to you. The boys had been quiet, siding more so with John but not quite willing to cut you out completely. The girls still got in touch with you regularly, and you weren't sure what you'd do with yourself if they didn't.

Abigail updated you on her pregnancy over the next few weeks, and it was like a knife to the chest at the realisation that you wouldn't even be able to meet her baby, at least not for a long time.

She and Karen had been distraught when you announced the news that you weren't going to attend graduation, but you'd thought it through for long enough. Everyone would be there, family members included. You daren't even think about how awkward the whole affair would be. Not going was the most sensible thing you could do, and being sensible was at the top of your current list of priorities.

You'd received a call a week after the party from the job you interviewed for and were offered a place. Without the ability to share the news with those you wanted to hear it most, it'd only made you more depressed.

It'd taken you a few days to type out the message to John. You started off by saying you were only going to try getting in touch with him this once since you couldn't bring yourself to ask for his forgiveness; you knew it wasn't something you deserved. Then, you'd explained how it happened. Sparing him the details, of course, you ran through the timeline of your and Dutch's relationship and gave him the full truth. It felt false and cliché when you started talking about how you hadn't meant for it to happen, but it was true. To a point. You'd finished off by saying that you would always be there for him, should he ever decide he wanted to interact with you again. Then you clarified that you'd never expect him to and offered him one final apology.

He'd read it not long after, and you were already prepared for him not to reply, so it wasn't too much of a bluster when it went unanswered. There was a small, naïve part of you that clung to the possibility that he could, though.