Till Forever is Ours

03.

THE NEXT DAY WAS BETTER... AND WORSE. IT WAS BETTER because it wasn't raining yet, though the clouds were dense and opaque. It was easier because I knew what to expect of my day. Billy came to sit by me in English, and walked me to my next class, with Chess Club Peter glaring at him all the while; that was flattering.

People didn't look at me quite as they had yesterday. I sat with a big group at lunch that included Billy, Peter, America, and Kamala, along with several others faces that I now remembered. I began to feel like I was treading water, instead of drowning in it.

It was worse because I was tired; I still couldn't sleep with the wind echoing around the house. It was worse because Ms. Hill called on me in Trig when my hand wasn't raised and I had the wrong answer. It was miserable because I had to play volleyball, and the one time I didn't cringe out of the way of the ball, I hit my teammate in the head with it. And it was worse because Yelena Belova wasn't in school at all.

All morning I was dreading lunch, fearing her bizarre glares. Part of me wanted to confront her and demand to know what her problem was. While I was lying sleepless in my bed, I even imagined what I would say. But I knew myself too well to think I would really have the guts to do it. I made the Cowardly Lion look like the Terminator.

But when I walked into the cafeteria with America— trying to keep my eyes from sweeping the place for her, and failing entirely— I saw that her four siblings of sorts were sitting together at the same table, and she wasn't with them.

Billy intercepted us and steered us to his table. America seemed elated by the attention, and her friends quickly joined us. But as I tried to listen to their easy chatter, I was terribly uncomfortable, waiting nervously for the moment she would arrive. I hoped that she would simply ignore me when she came, and prove my suspicions false.

She didn't come, and as time passed I grew more and more tense. I walked to Biology with more confidence when, by the end of lunch, she still hadn't shown up. Billy, who was talking about the qualities of a golden retriever, walked faithfully by my side to class. I held my breath at the door, but Yelena Belova wasn't there, either.

I exhaled and went to my seat. Billy followed, talking about an upcoming trip to the beach. He lingered by my desk till the bell rang. Then he smiled at me wistfully and went to sit by a girl with braces and a bad perm. It looked like I was going to have to do something about Billy, and it wouldn't be easy.

In a town like this, where everyone lived on top of everyone else, diplomacy was essential. I had never been enormously tactful; I had no practice with overly friendly boys.

I was relieved that I had the desk to myself, and that Yelena was absent. I told myself that repeatedly. But I couldn't get rid of the nagging suspicion that I was the reason she wasn't there. It was ridiculous, and egotistical, to think that I could affect anyone that strongly. It was impossible. And yet I couldn't stop worrying that it was true.

When the school day was finally done, and the blush was fading out of my cheeks from the volleyball incident, I changed quickly back into my jeans and navy blue sweater. I hurried from the girls' locker room, pleased to find that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment. I walked swiftly out to the parking lot. It was crowded now with fleeing students. I got in my truck and dug through my bag to make sure I had what I needed.

Last night I'd discovered that Derek couldn't cook much besides fried eggs and bacon. So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the duration of my stay. Even though I was no better in the kitchen. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the banquet hall. I also found out that he had no food in the house. So I had my shopping list and the cash from the jar in the cupboard labeled Food Money, and I was on my way to the Thriftway.