The Boy With Tattoos

Chapter Seventeen

TBWT | Chapter 17

Listen in

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade they say, or in my case, they say write it down in a journal so you won't implode. That is exactly what I did. I finally sat down at my worn down wooden desk with a fresh note pad and a pencil. I plugged my ears up with ear buds and put on 'Tree Little Birds' by Bob Marley. The melody relaxed my muscles in my back and my shoulders slumped down.

There was a space in the middle of the cover of the pad so I could title my work. I'd have to think about that for a while. I didn't want it to be some cliché title that some random twelve years old could have come up with. Maybe when I had something actually written it would come to me. That would be in time though.

What was I going to write about?

Well simple. I'm going to be writing about my life. My struggles and my happier moments. Because if I didn't write about them no one would, they'd forget how really significant my life was. However, that wasn't a bad thing because I wasn't looking for anyone's pity. I wasn't looking for anything actually only to be heard.

I couldn't write all day though. I had a date, well not really a date, with Derek. He said he wanted to introduce me to some of his friends. Like I said I forgot he even had other friends than me at times. Plus, he said that it gets my mind off of the trial that was coming up. It was seven days away from now. I knew that I was going to stay with my dad, but for some reason, I felt bad for Ellen because she's really been trying. She texts me nonstop. She's even been talking to my dad. She hasn't left that bastard, but she's been trying to distance herself.

Anyway, I stared at the blank paper and thought. Where could I begin? It only took me a couple of seconds to figure out where to start and who I was address everything too. Who I wanted this to be for, so I wrote:

To my loving Daughter,

Abigale Coleman

Just know that I've had always loved you. I had you when was in a bad place, and I don't blame you. You are so precious. I couldn't ask for anything more than you. You are my little piece of Heaven from Hell.

Love,

Mommy.

The actual words that flowed out of my pen to the paper weren't something that I thought would never express. I started with everything in my life started to change. I don't know if it was for the better still, but it was a start.

I sat at that desk for hours writing my soul out. I wouldn't say Ms. Coleman was wrong because it actually made me feel a little better. It made me feel more alive than I ever felt before. I got to express what I've always wanted to say. I trusted my words on this paper more than anyone in the world at this moment. I didn't know if that was a bad thing or a good thing. However, I didn't have time to wonder because I had to start getting ready for my date with Derek.

That still sounds off to me, my date with the spawn of the devil. He wasn't a devil though. He actually cared about me more than anyone besides my dad has ever cared about me. He always made it easier for me to smile when I was sad. He calmed me down when I was upset, and he gave me some type of clarity when I was confused and distraught. With that being said he was still the brother to my daughter. I couldn't let that one thought leave my mind because it was what made me love him so wrong and awful. Even though he didn't know I knew. I have to always keep those boundaries, but when he was close in proximity those things felt non-existent. They'd crumble into nothingness because his being overtook the essence that was called my own.

Running my fingers through my hair untangling the curls I got up from behind the desk getting ready. I picked out a black body con dress that made its way down to the knees, jean jacket, with dark brown combat boots. I didn't bother with makeup, and I didn't bother with my hair. I just ran my hair through the mass of curls and grabbed my phone from off of the charger.