Character Angst Oneshots

Akito Shinonome (Project Sekai)

I draw the blade across my thigh a few more times. I've been clean since April. That changed last week when I.. well.. relapsed. So, not anymore, I guess.

I clean off my cuts in the bathroom and cover them up as quickly as possible, praying that Ena isn't waiting to use it. But no, the universe hates me.

"Every day, you take forever in the bathroom, and it still smells like roses! Either your shit doesn't stink, or you're jacking off in there." Ena says, my face recoils in disgust, and I flip her off.

"If you're that annoyed, just go to the downstairs bathroom, Ena." I say, walking back to my room.

"I'll tell Dad that you flipped me off!"

"I'll tell Dad that you said shit."

She ignores me, and I enter my room. I wish I hadn't started up again. It had been months since the last time.

Maybe I should talk to Toya about it...

Nah. He has enough problems as it is.

An and Kohane probably don't need to hear about this...

I'll just stop on my own again. I did it once before.

"Huh..?" I hear Ena say, god, these walls are thin. I can hear Ena get out of the bathroom, and she starts walking towards my room?

"Akito, if you're gonna replace your blades for your razor, throw the old one out! Idiot." Ena says as she walks past my room.

What. The. Fuck.

Did she throw it away?

I nearly bolt to the bathroom, but then she said, "Don't worry, I already threw it away.."

God, the universe really does hate me. I am not taking apart another damn razor, and I don't even have pencil sharpeners.

This. Fucking. Sucks.

"Hello??? You're not gonna thank me? I touched that disgusting thing so you didn't have to go back into the bathroom!" Ena says.

"..oh, uhh, thanks."

"It's not as genuine when I have to force it out of you, stupid." She says, walking away finally.

"God dammit." I whisper to no one in particular.

I lay around for a while. Just thinking about how. Fucking. Stupid this shit is. Ena says she's going to go out with her friends, and god knows where Mom and Dad went.

I'd say a good 30-ish minutes go by, and I hear a knock on my door. "Coming!" I yell, running down the stairs.

I open the door, and it's Toya. "Oh, hey man! Come in!" I say. He seems quite a bit more inexpressive than usual.

"Hi." He says. Wow. Really inexpressive.

"Wanna.. like..hang in my room or something? Do you have something you'd like to talk about?" I ask, he nods.

We get to my room, and now that I take a closer look, he seems more concerned than inexpressive. What could he be concerned about?

"Your sister told me."

"..told you what exactly?"

"She found your blade, Akito."

She knew? 

"Oh."

I sit there silently, avoiding looking at Toya at all costs. Nothing but silence. All I can feel is guilt. Not only have I relapsed, but I've purged both Ena and Toya with my issues as well. It could've been seconds or minutes, I'm not sure, just straight silence.

"Akito, please look at me." Toya finally said.

...

.....

.......

"Please, Akito..."

The silence broke. It still feels too quiet. Why does he have to know? Why do my fucking issues have to burden other people, why am I worrying my best friend?

"Akito."

I finally look at him. But I immediately look away. I can't stop the tears from falling. Thoughts of regret fill my head. Thoughts of guilt swarm my mind.

I can't believe I'm letting Toya see me like this.

"Why didn't you tell me Akito..?" He asks. I stay quiet.

Instead of silence, the room is filled with the sounds of my sobbing. I think I liked the silence better.

Eventually, he hugs me. Tighter than either of my parents have. I reach my arms around, and I hold on tight. I sob into his chest.

"..Toya...I-I'm sorry.." I continue sobbing into his shoulder.

He's never gonna look at me the same. He'll look at me and only be able to think of me crying into his chest.

"You know I love you, right..?" He says.

What..?

"If you won't stop for yourself, stop for me... promise you won't hurt yourself on purpose.. please. For me?" He asks.

I love him too. If he wants me to stop, I'll sure as hell try my best.

...

"I promise. I promise T-Toya..."

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Hiiii! I've never written AkiToya (or any form of project sekai for that matter) before! Hope you enjoyed!