What is Normal?

Not for the Right Reasons

AN- El would listen to Midwest emo change my mind. Also please, I need feedback, you can comment literally anything.

     "Hold still, sweetie," Joyce said as she slathered her youngest son with sunscreen.
"Mom, you know I can do this myself, right? I'm sixteen," Will complained.
"No, you never get you cheeks and you get all sunburned. I'm gonna be doing this for you until you're thirty."
El chuckled at this exchange. It always amazed her how careful Joyce was with her kids. It made her feel homesick for the home she'd never had.
"El honey, are you sure you're gonna be alright in that sweater? It's so hot out today," Joyce asked. The question made El want to crawl out of her skin and into a different, normal body that didn't have superpowers or slices down the wrist.
"I'm fine," was all she said, staring down at her beat up tenis shoes.
"Alright, well you kids have fun!" Joyce said, as El and Will set off from the cabin and on their hike. El had been confused when Will had declared that he wanted to go hiking (he was not, by any means, the hiking type) and even more so when he insisted that only him and El go.
He had gotten El up at eight sharp, which had been torcher for her considering she had stayed up into the early morning like usual. Through a camera lense, this would be a beautiful summer day. In person, it felt like walking through the gates of hell. Maybe he's trying to kill me? El thought to herself.
"Isn't it a nice day?" Will said, taking in a deep breath of the woodsy air. "When I was little, Jonathan told me that there were monsters in these forests so I wouldn't go wandering around alone. I guess he was kind of right, wasn't he?"
"Yeah. I guess so," El agreed, solemnly. They didn't talk much after that as they trudged deeper into the shifting shadows of the evergreen trees. El didn't have a problem with the silence. She was usually quiet anyway, still not used to the idea that anyone would listen if she ever did speak. Will was quiet too. El always imagined that he was lost in his own world. El wished she could do that. She always felt stuck in this one.
"Do you ever wonder what you would be doing now if none of this had ever happened?" Will finally broke the silence, "like, if the MK Ultra project had never happened and you had grown up normal and I had no idea that there was a parallel dimension?" Will asked.
"I can't," El answered. "I don't-" El struggled to find the words. "My normal, for basically my whole life, has been so different from your normal that I can't even imagine myself if I had grown up like you. With friends, and parents, and school. I was loved, but not for the right reasons. It's still better than not being loved at all, I guess."
"What do you think are the right reasons," Will probed further. He seemed genuinely interested, his expression was wide and his head was cocked to the side the same way Joyce's is when she's taking in information.
"I don't really know. I don't think anyone has ever loved me for the right reasons."
"Mike did," Will muttered. That was not true. El spent three years trying to pretend it was, but the truth came out in his letters.
"No. Mike loved me the way a telescope loves the stars," El said. Mike had let her use his telescope once. It was amazing. He had been so gentle with her, so happy to explain everything to her. El wondered how the absence of love that was never there in the first place could hurt so bad.
El felt a hand on her shoulder. She stopped walking to face Will. He looked at her with the eyes of someone who understood exactly what she was talking about. "El can I tell you something?" Will blurted out. He looked like he was about to cry.
"I'm in love with Mike," he said, searching her face for any hint of disgust. All that was there was confusion.
"But, he's a boy? And so are you. Right? Wait, Will, you are a boy right?" El questioned in disbelief. Boys can love boys. Does that mean girls can love girls? She thought to herself.
"Yeah, El, I'm gay. I'm a boy who likes boys. And I'm really gay for your ex boyfriend. I'm so sorry El," now Will was crying. "I understand if you don't want to talk anymore. I know it's disgusting, but I've tried and I can't not like boys," Will choked out between sobs. El was beyond confused, so she hugged him. That's what Hopper did when she wasn't making any sense.
"Why..." El trailed off. She didn't even know which question to ask first, so she started with the one that was about her. "Why wouldn't I want to talk to you anymore? I love talking to you. You're like, one of my favorite people to talk too. I don't see how your being in love with Mike changes any of that. I mean, are you about to get really boring or something? I might not want to talk to you if you get boring, but-"
El trailed off when she felt Will's shoulders shaking. At first she thought he was sobbing harder, but eventually she figured out that he was like lo laughing? Why was he laughing? Why was everything so confusing right now?
"I'm not planning to get boring, El. It's just that most people don't like gay people very much. I don't know why, really, I think it's a religious thing," Will explained. El had heard of religion before. Mostly from Slipknot songs. It sounded really stupid.
"I'm not religious, I care way more about you than anything religious. You know that, right?"
"I guess so, but you love Mike? I feel so bad. He's not mine."
"Loved," El corrected. "I want you to be happy, Will. You're my-" brother. El had refrained from calling Will, or any of the Byers family, her family. She didn't want to be intrusive, but at this point who cares? "You're my brother Will. I honestly don't care who you love. Just please don't get boring."
     Will laughed, if out of relief or confusion El didn't know. "Thank you, El. I really needed to tell someone."
     "Why me? Why not Jonathan or your mom or something?" El asked.
     "What if, I don't know, what if they're really weird about it?" Will answered.
     El gave a sigh of exasperation, "Will, you do realize that we're talking about a woman who literally pulled you out of another dimension. I don't think she's gonna be weird about anything when it comes to you." El hoped she had given him some relief. She herself had a question she felt the need to ask him.
     "Will, how did you know that you liked boys?" El asked, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment that she hoped he didn't notice.
     "I don't really know, I guess whenever I pictured who I wanted to be with it was always Mike. I tried to picture girls sometimes, but it just never sounded good to me. Also boys are," he trailed off, "...nice to look at."
     Max was nice to look at. Nicer to look at than Mike ever was, El thought.