What is Normal?

No More Pain

A/N: Yoski broskis, super major trigger warning for Sh and suicide. As always, any feedback is encouraged.
-Inspired by "Living apology," by Movements.

"Ok, so, that's an E minor chord. It sounds sad, but it also sounds really good, you know?" Eddie said, he was showing El some chords on her acoustic.
El smiled, "I know," she said. They were sitting on the Cabin's stairs, It was just after dinner and the sun was starting to run like a cracked egg in a blue frying pan. "The sun is an egg," El said. Sometimes she didn't realize that she had to give context for her thoughts.
Eddie laughed, "you're definitely something kid, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. And you're really gonna be something when I get my electric back." Eddie said things like that but know one really knew if any of that was going to happen. His uncle didn't even know he was alive.
El's eyes widened, "you'd let me play it?" She asked in shock. From what she'd heard, Eddie's guitar was his prized possession.
"Sure, I mean you've gotta impress Red, am I right?" Eddie nudged her in the shoulder, El smiled, she technically hadn't told anyone about her wanting to kiss Max, but according to Eddie it was obvious.
"Shredding might be enough to impress Steve-" El teased.
"Hey now-" Eddie said, turning a little red. El wasn't the only on with an unrequited love.
"-but I think Max would actually like it better if I played something on my acoustic." El finally finished. Max didn't even know she could play guitar.
"That's not a bad idea. Does she have a favorite song that you know of?" Eddie asked. He was always so concerned with other people. When El found out that most of the town believed he was a cold blooded killer she laughed. He was just so kind, he'd never hurt anyone.
"Actually, yeah. Do you know Running Up That Hill?" She asked.
Eddie smiled, "No, but I'm sure if you played it for me I could show you the chords," he said nonchalantly, as if he didn't just offer to teach El the best romantic gesture she could think of. She scurried inside, grabbing the tape, and her and Eddie spent the next few hours working out all the notes and chords of the song.
"Eddie, thank you," El said with a sort of quiet sincerity that she hoped he'd understand.
"Anytime, El. Listen you better keep practicing that song,"Eddie cracked a grin at her and started off to bed. He was limping, and it brought El back to the present, everything was on fire, all her loved ones were hurting, and it was all her fault.
Everything was her fault. Those were the words that echoed in El's brain as she set down her guitar and trotted inside. She barely acknowledged Will when she entered their shared room until she heard a familiar voice.
"Oh, hi El," Mike said from behind her. This is the last thing I need right now, she thought to herself. When she turned around she saw him and Will sitting side by side.
"Mike," she acknowledged him with a curt nod. She was coming to find that making small talk with someone you used to be in love with was almost unbearable.
El felt a little betrayed that Will hadn't told her that Mike was coming over, given their history, and she hoped the glance she gave him conveyed that. She did want him to be happy with Mike, of course she did, but she had hoped that the Mike part could be further away from her.
"Is he staying over," El asked Will, and he seemed to tense up. He knew he should have asked her. Why didn't he? She wondered.
"Uh, yeah," Will said, he seemed nervous. She hated that she was making him nervous. She'd hoped he knew her well enough to understand that she wasn't really mad, but clearly not.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Mike asked, clearly he'd picked up on the tension between El and Will.
"I don't know, maybe because this is my room and we just broke up, I could've used a 'hey El, your ex boyfriend who never really cared about you is gonna stay over in your room tonight, even though it is, your room." El regretted snapping at them as soon as the words came out of her mouth. One good thing about being essentially nonverbal was that when she was mad no one ever knew.
"El I'm sorry, I should've told you," Will said, he looked down at his lap. El felt horrible. She hated knowing that Will was sad because of her.
"No, Will, don't apologize to her, you deserve your own godamn space. El whatever is wrong with you don't take it out on him," Mike flared up. He'd always been protective of Will. His words hit El right where it hurts. After all the pain she's caused, why does she keep finding new ways to hurt the people she loves? She was having trouble breathing.
"I'm sorry," was all she could utter before bolting out of the room.
Whatever is wrong with you, don't take it out on him. Mike's words played over and over in her head as she locked herself in the bathroom and wheezed, her head between her knees. She couldn't go back there. It would be so wrong for her to go back to her room. Where else was she supposed to go?
Nowhere. She didn't have to go anywhere. She could be done, right here, right now. No more hurting people, she thought as she held the pocked knife over her shaking wrist. This was it. No more pain.
She went deeper than she usually did, right over that god awful scar. Instead of dripping the blood basically pooled below her, running through the space between the bathroom tiles. She made a few more slices, some vertical, some horizontal, down both arms. She laid down on the cold bathroom floor and hoped that Hopper wouldn't find her. He was about to lose another daughter.
Tears ran down her cheeks. Her vision started to blur and her thoughts started to become incoherent. How long had she been lying there? A minute? An hour? It didn't matter because this was the end of the pain.
There was a knock at the bathroom door, but El was too far gone to care. The knocking got more intense, and a voice called out to her. She though it was Mike's but it could've been Will's. She was slipping
Down
Down
Down.