Winner at a losing game

Chapter Two

The History Between Then And Now

She walked on in life with so many barriers to her actual persona, "Why let people know her? (She ain't anything special, she thought. So why should she be flustered about it?) There's more to her than what those around her knew. If they knew the truth , " Would they tease and ridicule her if they had been in her shoes that year, " Would they bother to listen ?" "Would they judge her so harshly if they knew all the sacrifices she made? "Would her life had turned out differently? " Would her son one day grow to hate her or would he thank her for protecting him from someone she knew would cause irreparable harm to him. When someone opens a piece of themselves up , their unveiling a page of their life's story they had purposely left untold, that is until the pressure of knowing that weight crushes them from within. Until they can no longer grin and bear it and show the deepest, darkest pieces of their beings. A favorite famous author of her's said it best. "When people talk , listen completely. Most people never listen." ~Ernest Hemingway

Ell, always felt like she had to hide her emotions . No matter what they might be. It was simply easier that way. No muss, no fuss to worry about. Just keep on pretending everything is just fine and dandy. She didn't have the time or mental capacity to sit and ponder going over all the reasons , Or let her own feelings through. She rather not feel the dull ache of being ignored or forgotten about by peers and family. Although she had so many people around her lately , she found herself feeling empty. Mistaken, maybe. She's sorry she is such a mess lately . Feeling like people find talking to her , even a simple ,"hello" for pete's sakes a chore . For the answer , she doesn't know ,the crossroads she finds herself at has her spinning her wheels, Perhaps looking for a reason, just one to stay...

From the ups and downs and the highs and lows from one question from the next. Ell's mind was flooded with What if's and Then what's. What lay in front of her in the future. What decisions that she made now reflect on what happens later on? She was only 15 and pregnant what was she to do? What would become of her. What would become of her son?
Would she be allowed to keep and raise him herself from a no good , good for nothing sperm donor of a father ? Would she get that motherly instinct that takes over. Would she be patient or kind enough? What if her child had the same mental problems as the father ? Would she handle it with grace and understanding? Would her wills win out or would she suffer being a single mother ?
Would the babies father interrupt her life?
After all , he did ask her to get an abortion, or put the kid up for adoption. God forbid she try to raise her baby alone. He'd never stand for it.
But that wasn't the fathers choice to make, it was hers. He wouldn't be apart of her life or their kids and he made it easy to prove why.
She had more than enough evidence to prove why he didn't deserve a spot in either of their lives. The icing on the cake was the illegal document his parents made with her so called family to sign away her parental rights and she had a copy of the proof to prove it.

" Have more humility. Remember you don't know the limits of your own abilities . Successful or not, if you keep pushing beyond yourself , you will enrich your own life --and maybe even please a few strangers." A.L. Kennedy

That was the Summer it was all about to change, though she had no way of knowing that yet. Tears streamed down her face , Lou her best friend was over for a sleepover that fateful night. To anyone else that wouldn't know any better , it was yet again just another argument between adolescent teenagers . To her it was just yet another ploy to beat her down , he was arrogant, charismatic and had a way of using mind games on her to tear her to pieces. She used to take no crap from anyone she was headstrong, fierce and strong willed but bitterness and the deceit of another has a way of changing someone's perspective of themselves , call it peer pressure or giving into the world's woes, sadly this is where she found herself.