Wilderness

Wilderness 3: In Control

"Bread and fish,

Would you come,

And let them feed?

He blessed these!"

Lack. Shortcomings. Poverty.

Have you experienced these? People would tell to me back then that I should not worry for He provides. People may not get it how painful it is to see your five siblings waiting for something to eat, frequently asking me what is our dish. My parents worked abroad and COVID-19 came. Millions of families were suffering that time and unfortunately, we are included to that families. My parents couldn't afford to send money because they are unable to find a job. I kept quiet. It came to the point that I don't know if my parents were okay, if what's actually going on with them.

As the disease outbreak began, that was His cue to meet me, He knew for sure what will happen to me and to my family. He knew how painful it will bring that if I won't have something to hold on, I'm not gonna be alive. That's for sure. At that time, I don't know how big He is, I don't know how He could even answer me but I trust Him, every single day I would wake up with tears reading His Word, trying to soothe myself with the promises He can give. I do not have someone to do that to me because people around me thought that I could handle it but no, He is the only One who knows how hard it is for me. Tears and tears are becoming evident of how hard our situation is, there are moment that I would make my devotion longer just so my siblings will not bother me and will not ask me, "What do we eat now?" "There's no rice"

ISAIAH 41:13

For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you.

I came across with this verse. This verse became my strength, it reminded me that there is Someone who knows what will happen. I couldn't consume the fear in me that time, all I wanted is for me and my siblings to survive. For me, it is okay if I am just the one who are starving that moment but it is even painful to know that I could not do anything to bring food at our table and my siblings are suffering. I became so desperate that I wanted to ask God to send us some food from heaven because if I am not mistaken there's a lot of food stored up in heaven, right?

God never fails me. He provides. I can remember that I pray that I need His help and I declare that, that day will be a miracle to us that He will provide us something to eat. I don't know if what He will do but I am sure that He will feed us. What's funny is that I forgot about my prayer request that morning, I just remembered it when before we go to bed, Pastor Joel, our youth Pastor handed some penny to buy some dish. I couldn't stop praising God. I couldn't stop thanking Him for what He did.

This is just one of a billion stories that will tell us that Jesus pays attention to whatever we are requesting. Prayers are powerful and Jesus wants us to always do that as our way to communicate with Him. Communication with Him will allow us to see the beauty even if the world see our situation as miserable and chaotic. Hopelessness can be a thing but I believe that when we have Jesus, we have plenty of hopes that will make us feel alive again.