It's a month now that I have been in this condition. I always have a smile on me, I am always there for Pablo but I'm never healing myself. Self harming continued.
Now it's not only my left wrist but also my legs, my back and my hands both of them. I also haven't stopped on the lighter. Maybe that little thing that brings light and warmth it's not enough for felling the pain. You can say it became an addiction after all. Every night my dark grey colored bathroom with the low lights is being my place to escape. I can't have Gavi at my place anymore , that door closed.
A reason why Pablo is a smart boy is that even tho I am telling him I'm okay and I'm faking it so he sees it he never stops trying to make me feel better. And I'm so sorry that this kind soul is being wasted on me. Today we're going to his family house with Aurora, Javi , seniora Aurora and seniore Pablo (his parents). We will all eat together and then their parents will leave because we have planned a pool party. I'm not silly tho. I can't show up with swimsuit. All my scars are going to show up. I had to fake that I'm on my period to Pablo so he wouldn't become suspicious about me. Pablo told me he's coming in 15 minutes so I have to get ready. I'm making a great make up, wearing my long black jeans, a purple skinny shirt and a jacket of FCB. As soon as I was putting up my messy bun I heard the door bell and then footsteps to the stairs. He came he's here.
"Hey Pablito," I shouted as I putted the last detail on my bun.
" Hermanita dónde estás? " I heard him saying and I got my prada bag and my sunglasses from my closet and walked out of my room.
"Looking good Pablo " I said to him. He was wearing a baige cargo bermuda and an ecru linen Tshirt.
"Gracias Issa. But where are you going with the jacket ? We are literally going for a pool party "
"Sorry Pablito I feel better wearing it, I also want it because I feel a bit cold " I lied of course. It was to cover the bandages and the scars.
"Amore I know you want to hide the bandage from when you were cut while you were cooking and from when you fell at the pavement and you got a scar. But you don't have to. We are people that you can feel us like familia " He said. Damn he remembers the lies I'm telling him about my scars. He knows me so well tho.
"Okay I'm taking it off.." I said with a smile on my face and he looked at me with a look that made me feel so happy. He made my heart beating better without much pain. God damn I love that boy.
——
We arrived at the house after 1 hour in the road. It was like 15:00 in the noon and as soon as we arrived the table was set up. We all ate and layed a bit at the living room to get some rest. Pablo was tired and sleepy tho so he asked me :
"Hermosa I'm a bit tired today we had training really early. Do you mind if I go to sleep ? My room is up the stairs to your left."
"Of course you can go Pablo it's your house I'll stay here with Aurora" Javi have went already to get some rest and Pablo's parents left some minutes ago.
"Okay bye Issa "he said and kissed my head as he came from behind me to go upstairs.
"Bye Auroo" he shouted from the stairs and I let out a laugh. Me and Aurora chatted a bit generally about the series that the tv was playing and then she asked me sth which wasn't exactly a question but I really didn't expect it.
"Hey Issa , are you and my brother even fake dating"
"Yeah" I said to her with a questionable tone in my voice.
"I didn't mean anything I am just saying that you guys are so cute together if this is not dating then I don't know what is it"
"Fake dating Aurora. And trust me it's sucks. Not because of your brother but because I always get hurt from it. As soon as I feel something for the person I am with it feels like it's not fake but when I am telling you that they are the best actors you can't imagine. As soon as we break up because that's what they are telling us to do they always are like heartless they leave and I am becoming a stranger. Like I was a nothing for them. And that's where you understand that you were the only one not acting and get hurt because you're so fool that you can't even stand sth fake" I said to her with serious tone and my mood swap quickly in a sad one from my issues with relationships. And there is where Aurora interrupted me by saying sth about Gavi
" I know that this sucks and I'm sorry but I have to tell you the truth. Pablo is a nice kid okay. He would never hurt you like that. He never had a girlfriend except one bitch Ana she was changing him a lot I'm glad they are not taking anymore. But the fact is that when you came to his life 2 days after he told me he stopped talking to Ana, you brought my brother back. It's like you lighted up his heart. He never showed to me such strong feelings and emotions while talking about Ana as much he's doing when he talks about you. " wait what have she just said. My face lighted up and a huge smile popped up on my lips as my soul began to melt from happiness and that then going to my heart making her beat to the happy best of Aurora's words.
"Aurora I know that Pablo would never hurt me and that's why I'm sad because he will get hurt. And I don't fucking want that. Because I care about him. He's the only person right now pulling me back to the light and also my little brother . But he's away so yeah your brother has power , has a kind soul and the most important he has the most open heart and unlimited love that can anyone ever give you. " I said while smiling and she just hugged me and told me sth very important to her
" Never leave him behind, please I know he would not stand it. Promise me "
" I will but I have to tell you sth too so you will promise me that you will not say it anywhere. " I said dragging her outside at the pool. I am not fool of course I wore a swimsuit before leaving home. We sat at the sun beds and i started taking to her openly about my self harming but I started saying to her that I was doing at my past. And then I saw her the messages and got my bandage out of my wrist to show her the scars.
"That's only a few scars " I said as I saw her being terrified about what she have just heard.
"Why the heck are you doing that to yourself Issa ?
They are not worth it. "
"Maybe but I don't care I just wanted you to know that you're the person I trust right now please don't mess up" I said to her as I wore my bandage on my wrist again.
"I would never say anything to anyone about that don't worry. " she said getting her pinky finger out and I took mine that's how we promised things that sure they will be broken. But like for real she told me to never leave Pablo but I'll because that's what our contract says. And she promised not to tell Pablo or anyone about my self harming. Like I know she will broke go Gavi he has that power to make you talk and not have lies. But it's okay that Aurora maybe will say it because Pablo has that power so I'm sure he will found out soon.
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Tell me your thoughts about the revealing also do y'all think that the relationship between Pablo and Issa can stay fake 🤭🫶🏼
