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New York City 101

New York City 101
By tjcrossley_

Chapter 1:
The first paragraph really sets the scene, even though it's minimal the state of the empire building sets the whole scene.
The severity of the Rose's actions add to the tense atmosphere of the wasted city. The creature seems frightening but could do with a little more description like mention a few of its striking features, if it has familiar or alien features or what part of it makes the clicking sound.

Chapter 2:
This chapter shows roses values, she cherishes her family and friends aswell as the city itself, this gives me the feeling she's a proud American, this could lead to some good character development.
The only thing that seems off is how she introduced herself, it seems out of place, not adding her introduction would build intrigue in the reader ( I think you should leave it out and let David introduce her name the way he does in chapter 6)

Chapter 3:
I love the part with the bag, the weight of the bag emphasizes the mental weight on Rose aswell as adding a sense of realism to the scene. Referring to the ESB as peaceful juxtaposes it's description in chapter one, I feel a more creative words should be used here to explain how it's ruin is calm, "peaceful" implies safety.

Chapter 4:
The description of the blown out wall really adds to the complexion of the environment, and referring to it as a garden shows how they have really made it their home, the image really stands out and shows their integrity. Nice little bit of suspense at the end there :)

Chapter 5:
The way that they have neighbors opens up a whole range of possibilities, it's drawing me in to see how the community works in this world.

Chapter 6:
This chapter adds a good resolve to the previous suspense of her dad missing but the more suspenseful situation of the monster keeps the action building as the "ricochet" of the monster emphasises swift and menacing movements.

Chapter 7:
The stubborn but caring manner of David shows a believable farther like character that takes things seriously and understands the world around him. I like the description of the monster, it's vague but its enough to keep the reader interested, the face to face situation and how the monster goes away implies that the monster has Intelligence and not just a hungry beast.

Chapter 8:
David seems like a man on a mission, looking to help and provide, it builds his father image well and sets him up for good character building. I think the injury Mrs.McPhee has seems a little to minor, assuming she's a older woman, older woman seem to take pain well so I don't think she would be bothered by a sprain and a graze, a breakage though, that would be interesting and show why David is so eager to help.

Overall I think this story shows a lot of promise, though I think all these chapters could be put together into 1 or 2 chapters making way for a whole novel. Your writing style is on point and explains everything it needs to and shows a educated mind behind it.

I will definitely be reading this as it progresses. I wish you the best of luck on your story.

I rate it a bold 8/10