To Protect You || Bucky Barnes

Because I Loved Her

Tony spares me a look, and I don't fucking like it. It fucking irritates me that his comms are silenced. We only hear what he wants us to hear. 

"What?" I snap, swallowing harshly.

Thick silence follows. Then he tells us. And it takes everything I have in me not to fold.

It was a trap, and I fucking knew it. I told him, Tony, when we were there. I told him that something didn't sit right with me. It was in my gut, my brain, even my skin knew.

One half of the school is blazing, the structure collapsing in on itself. Fire departments battle the flames, while police stand guard. I'm going in. I need to get to Clover, I need her. As I run towards the building, Police officers and Firemen try to stop me. But nothing can.

"There's people coming out!"

A firefighter holds a hanging door on his back, 6 kids scrambled out of the building. Sobbing but seemingly unscathed. Then Peter follows being held up by Clover. Fuck. Thank you. Fuck.

Its not until I get closer that I see it, her. Peter isn't being held up by Clover, she's being held up by him.

"She's bleeding." His panicked voice trembles as he lays her on the ground.

I take a running fall to my knees beside her, pulling her body into my arms. She's soaked with blood. Her body just drenched. I can't lose her. I just found her.

"Mr Stark," I hear Peter's terrified voice in the background, "the building is clear. Clover, she got all of us out. She saved us. But she's hurt. Mr Stark, she's really hurt..." His voice trails off because he sees her. 

My girl. I pull her into me. Where are the paramedics?! Why are they taking so long!?

I feel her move weakly in my hold, "Bucky?" She whispers.

"I'm here. It's okay baby, it's okay."

A tear slips down her cheek, under the dust and grime her skin is ashen. Her eyelids closing absently. "The kids, are the kids okay?" She asks breathlessly.

"Everyone is okay baby, you're okay." Where is the fucking ambulance?!

I look down and her eyes roll backwards, "Hey, hey, hey... Clover... baby stay with me. Stay awake."

Half open her eyes fill with tears, "Bucky, there's so much blood."

I shake my head, "It's not that much blood. You'll be okay."

"Bucky, I'm cold."

Please don't leave me. I scoop her into my arms, running to the Quinjet. "Hospital, now." I bark to Barton.

Natasha works relentlessly trying to stop the bleeding, but its too late. Clover has lost too much blood. The two minutes it takes for the quinjet to get to the hospital feels like an eternity. And Clover is barely hanging on.

Tony and Steve stayed behind at the site to help first responders, but I hear through my earpiece that there was a road block preventing the ambulances from getting through. Tony is nervous and Steve is suspicious, and all I am is fucking devastated. 

It's new, Clover and I. Months in the making according to her, but its all so new. There are things we still don't know about each other, things I want to know about her. So she can't fucking die on me. Not now, not ever.

With a soft jerk Clint lands the jet outside the hospital selfishly taking up an ambulance bay, but I don't care. Not today. I scoop Clovers limp body into my arms carefully exiting the vehicle and rush her into the hospital.

Nurses and doctors take her from me, whisking her away. My heart no longer in my body, it's hers and she holds it in the palm of her warm hand.

"Sir, you have to wait in the family room." A faceless someone ushers me into a side room. 

I can hear them, I can hear Natasha and Clint watch from the operating room gallery as they try to save the love of my life and I'm powerless. I am fucking useeless.

"I can't watch..." Natasha's voice trembles.
She must have turned away because Clint begins to tell her everything, tell me everything, "They've restarted her heart again."

'again'. Fuck.

 A pause, such a long fucking agonising quiet pause.

...
...
...
...
...

Then, a sigh of relief... was  it a sigh of relief?

"Clint?" I hear Steve's voice. And somehow it makes me sob a little. If I wasn't so fucking devastated it would be comforting to know that he's in there. 

"She's back, they lost her twice but she's back." Clint tells him.

I hear Steve sniff, "If we lose her, we lose him."

I don't want to be lost. I just found her. I just found myself. Clover breathed life into me. Before her I was happy just existing but she showed me what it's like to love and be loved. I can't go back to ignorance.

The door opens and Thor is escorted through by a masked up blood soaked somebody, I don't care enough to find out who they are as long as they have information. 

The surgeon steps forward, pulling down his mask, "The wound itself was simple, missing all vital organs and  major arteries. The main issue was the blood loss. It appears she has a blood clotting issue which can be fixed with medication going forward. Her heart stopped twice, but we managed to bring her back quickly. She has had four bags of blood and will be monitored over night. It's good to know that she is breathing on her own."

"She's alive?" Thor asks.

He dips his head respectively, "Clover is alive and we expect her to make a full recovery. Like I said, the wound itself was superficial, the rapid blood loss was the main concern."

Thor paces a little, and I find myself thankful for his presence. "And you have fixed that, yes?"

The doctor smiles a little, "We have."

"When can I see her?" I ask.

"She is in recovery right now, but once Clover is in her room someone will take you to her." He bows his head again and exits the room.

My fist goes through a wall, bursting my knuckles. I wanted to feel the pain. It was a welcome sting.

I feel Thor shift behind me. "All I wanted to do was protect her and now she's in here because of me."

Thor remains silent. 

"She could have died and it would have been all my fault. All because I loved her."